When Constellations Form (Light in the Dark 4)

Terrified.

Confused.

Lost.

“I know.” He kisses my forehead. “It’ll be fine, though. I promise.”

I close my eyes and let his words wash over me.

I don’t feel any better, though. Anxiety builds in my chest as I think about a screaming baby and all that comes with it, and then shame for not being happy. I know someone would do anything for this moment, and I’m not even grateful for it.

Something is seriously wrong with me.

Xander

“Are you seriously going to watch me pee?” Thea asks, her fingers curling around the pregnancy test box.

I cross my arms over my chest. “Yes, I wasn’t here the first time, so I’m going to be here now.” I stand resolute in the doorway to the bathroom. Nothing is going to get me to move from this spot.

Thea sighs and opens the box, pulling out the stick and handing me the trash.

She wanted to take another test this morning, since the box said it was more accurate then, but we both know the answer isn’t changing.

Thea pees on the stick and then lays it on the counter so she can wash her hands.

“How long is it supposed to take?” I ask, peering at the stick.

“It can take five minutes.”

It barely takes two.

Thea picks it up and shakes it, like that can erase the answer she doesn’t want to see.

“Hey,” I scold lightly, grabbing her hand in mine to still it. “It’s going to be okay.” I take her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me. I can easily see the fear in her hazel eyes.

I know she’s scared, I am too, but I know this isn’t a bad thing.

She breathes out a shaky breath. “What are we going to do?” she asks softly.

“What we always do,” I reply. “Figure it out.”

I’m not naïve. I know a baby isn’t an easy thing. I know it means a screaming, pooping, living being, but I believe in us.

Unlike Thea, I grew up in a loving home, and even though I’m a guy, I always knew I wanted a family one day. A big one. If I’d had my choice we would’ve already had a kid, but I knew better than to broach the subject right now, and I understood.

Thea’s young, she barely just graduated college, and she wants to live her life a little.

I respected that.

But shit happens.

Shit did happen.

I let my hands fall, and she forces a smile, always trying to be strong.

“Come here,” I tell her, opening my arms.

She dives into them gladly, and I hold her tight, hoping that I can make her feel the smallest bit better.