Jace and I burst into the warmth of the apartment lobby and laugh as we pull our gloves off, heading for the elevator.
We hold hands as we ride up in the elevator. Sometimes it boggles my mind, how easily we touch now, when in the beginning even holding hands in public felt like such a milestone.
I yawn as we step out of the elevator and Jace pulls the keys from his jeans pocket. He unlocks the door and waits for me to step inside first.
The apartment looks cozy and ready for Christmas.
A Christmas tree sits in the corner by the TV and there are little lights strung around the stainless-steel island. I asked him if we could decorate for Christmas and I was shocked when he agreed. He seemed happy to help and I even caught him sneaking some presents under the tree.
I shrug out of my coat, scarf, and gloves as he locks the door.
I kick off my boots and scurry into my room to change. When I come out, Jace sits on the island in a pair of low hanging sweatpants and his beanie.
I open the refrigerator and grab a bottle of water, feeling his eyes on my ass the whole time.
“What’d you do with the extra Polaroids?” he asks.
I turn around and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. “They’re in the drawer of my desk. Why?”
He grins. “I have an idea.”
He hops off the counter and hurries into my room.
I drink another sip of water and put the bottle back in the refrigerator. I yawn, eyeing his bed desperately. I need sleep. I’ve gotten too little the last few weeks.
“What’s taking so long?” I call with a laugh, and step into the doorway of my room, or what used to be my room since I sleep in Jace’s bed now. “Jace?” I say, puzzled.
He turns around and my blood runs cold. Clutched in his hand is a piece of paper. One of my letters.
My eyes close. “Jace, it’s not what you think.” I bite my tongue at my pathetic excuse. It sounds silly, but it’s true.
“Not what I think?” he says through clenched teeth. “It’s fucking obvious, Nova!” he yells, spit flying. I wince.
“It’s really not.” I press my lips together, fighting tears.
He storms forward, the piece of paper shaking in his fist.
“I still think of you every day. If you could only know how much you’re on my mind. Especially in the last month.” He throws my words back at me. “It’s exactly what I think it is. I asked you if you were still in love with him and you said no. You said no, Nova.” He clenches his teeth, a muscle in his jaw clenching. He looks close to tears. He pushes past me and out into the kitchen.
“Jace,” I cry, following after him. “Let me explain. That letter isn’t what you think it is.”
“It’s not a love letter to your ex? You’re not pining for him?”
“No!” I cry. “I’m over him, I promise you.”
He flips the page to another letter gathered in his hand. “It’s been too long since I wrote to you and for that I’m sorry. I promise it’s not because I forgot about you—nothing could ever make that a true statement because you’re always on my mind. I think about you every day. Mostly when I’m about to fall asleep. I think about the color of your eyes and the softness of your hair beneath my fingers. It breaks my heart that you can’t think of me in the same way. I’m a ghost to you. I don’t exist. That’s what hurts the most.”
“Shut up!” I scream at him. “Stop it! This isn’t fair!”
“You know what isn’t fair?” he seethes. “Me, finally giving someone my heart and having it ripped apart in front of me. I love you, Nova. I. Love. You. I’ve never loved anyone before and this whole time it was a lie because you’re still in love with your ex.” He paces back and forth in the kitchen like it pains him to stand still.
I shake my head, my face wet with tears. “He’s not my ex,” my voice cracks.
Jace snorts and rolls his eyes. “I’m not stupid, Nova.”
“He’s my son.”
Jace stands still. He’s frozen. Lips parted. “What? What did you say?”