Dark Hearts (Light in the Dark 3)

***

The house is silent and everyone else is asleep, but I find myself having trouble falling asleep. Jace must be having similar trouble because he keeps playing with my hair. Normally, that would lull me to sleep, but nothing seems to quiet my mind tonight.

“Jace?” My voice cracks as I break the silence.

“Hmm?” He hums in response.

I roll over onto my stomach and prop myself on my elbow so I can see him. He crosses his arms behind his head and squints at me since he doesn’t have his glasses.

“Do you think he had a good Christmas?” I ask softly. “My son, I mean.”

Jace gets a sad look and nods. “I’m sure he did.”

“I hope he believes in Santa.”

“He’s four, right?” I nod. “He still believes.” He grabs a piece of my hair and wraps it around his finger.

“I wish I could tell him Merry Christmas and give him a hug. God, Jace, that’s all I want. I just want to hold him. I need to remind myself that he’s real.”

“Fuck,” he groans. “I wish you could hold him too.”

“I don’t even know his real name.”

Now that Jace and everyone knows about my past, I find myself thinking about him even more. I’ve always wondered about him, things that other people probably wouldn’t think about, but as his mother, I crave. Like his smell—it’s silly, but I wonder what he smells like. His sound of his voice. The feel of him in my arms. So many questions I’ll never have answers to.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers softly, gathering me into his arms.

I burrow into his body, wishing he had the power to make everything right but knowing in my heart that nothing can ever change this.

Jace

Sleep evades me.

I spend the whole night holding Nova and wishing I could make things different for her. I never even thought about the fact that she doesn’t know her son’s real name. I can’t imagine living like that.

I’ve looked into the adoption as much as I can on my own, but like she said, it was closed so there’s not a lot of information.

There’s not even a record of Nova going into the hospital to have the baby. I have a feeling Owen’s father erased that tidbit of information. I can’t imagine being so fucking power hungry that I’d do anything to hide the existence of my grandchild. I guess I should believe it, though, because it’s exactly the kind of thing my father would do. Men like that are all the same.

I kiss Nova’s head as she sleeps and she wiggles against me, murmuring something in her sleep that I can’t understand.

I want to find her son for her so she can have that peace of mind. I think maybe if she sees him, even if it’s only a picture, she might finally have the closure she needs. I know I’m going to have to hire an investigator, and a lawyer, to hopefully get this thing straightened out.

I brush my fingers through her hair and her fingers flex against my chest as she sleeps.

“I’m going to find him,” I whisper in her ear. “I promise.”

Even if it takes me years, I’ll find him.

I know I will.

***

“I smell coffee.”

I turn around and smile at Nova as she enters the kitchen. We didn’t have pajamas to wear last night so she stole my shirt and I wore my boxer-briefs. I slipped my jeans back on when I got up, just in case someone else came down. Nova must not have had the same worry because she’s only in my shirt, which comes down to the tops of her thighs.

“Hey, beautiful.”