I meet Nova in the middle of the apartment, my eyes raking over her. The black dress she wears has long sleeves but ends above her knees. The skirt part flairs out at her hips and the top shows off the curve of her breasts.
“If you keep looking at me like that, we’re going to be late,” she quips.
“Wouldn’t be a bad thing.” I look her up and down.
She laughs. “Come on.”
She ushers me to the door.
The funeral is held in a church twenty minutes away.
I find it ironic since I don’t think my father set foot once in a church while he was alive.
Nova and I head into the church. Cade, Thea, Xander, and Rae are all already there, so we say hello. Nova stays with them while I go hunt down someone to tell me where the fuck I’m supposed to be.
Eventually, I end up greeting people as they arrive. Pretty much everyone that shows up is someone that he worked with. It’s a small crowd, but it’s better than nothing, because that was my biggest fear.
When it’s time for me to speak, my palms begin to sweat.
I clear my throat and speak into the microphone. “I’m … uh … Jacen … Jace. His son.” I point stupidly at the casket. “I’m Heath’s son.” I pause to take a breath and laugh lightly. “I’m not very good at public speaking—singing in front of people, not a big deal, but this …” I grasp the podium. “I’m supposed to get up here and tell you what a good man my father was, but I can’t lie to you. For most of my life he was horrible, but this last month … Maybe it was the fact that he knew he was dying but I finally saw some humility in him. He seemed human, for once. I always thought he was a bionic robot or something,” I joke. “As twisted as it sounds, I’m kind of selfishly glad he got sick, because it allowed me to see him in a different way. I got to know him in a way I never had before. We didn’t have the typical father son relationship, but this past month I got a small taste of what could’ve been. I wish it had been a lifetime like that, but it wasn’t, and so I’m thankful for what I had.” I press my lips together, thinking. “That’s something I’ve grown to learn—quality over quantity. I used to think more of something was better—more drinks, more girls, more sex. Then this girl came into my life, with her ever-changing hair color and shook up my whole existence. I suddenly understood quality over quantity because she’s everything I never knew I needed. Every moment I get to spend with her is one worth remembering. My dad didn’t like her, not at first, and she knew that, but by the time he passed he’d grown to love her too. I don’t think anyone can’t not love Nova.” I smile at her in the first pew. “Dad saw too, by the end, that quality over quantity is better, and I hope that’s something you all can learn too, before it’s too late. Thank you.”
I step down and head down to sit with Nova and my friends.
A few more words are said and then I stand to help carry the casket out to the grave. Xander and Cade stand to help me, along with a couple of the men Dad worked with.
We carry the casket outside into the cold, snowy, February air.
The girls huddle close together, trying to stay warm.
His grave is right beside my mom’s. I used to hope my dad would go to hell, but now I hope he’s wherever Mom is and that they’re finally together again.
My father might not have been the best, but I never doubted that he loved my mother in her own way.
I grab a flower from the arrangement on his casket and drop it onto my mother’s stone.
Nova loops her arm through mine, laying her head on my shoulder.
I squint at the sun shining through the bare tree branches.
“Confession—I think life works in mysterious ways.”
She smiles up at me, her dark brown hair blowing in the wind. Her nose is red from the cold and she crinkles it, accentuating her freckles.
“It definitely does,” she agrees.
If there’s anything the last month has taught me, it’s that life is always changing. What’s true today, might not be true tomorrow. What you feel today, can change in an instant. You have to learn to let things go, and when you do, you become stronger for it.
I know I am.
When Constellations Form