Broken Hearts (Light in the Dark 5)

He sighs. “Any time I’m around Xael or even Greyson,” he says, referring to my son I gave up for adoption when I was sixteen and reconnected with three years ago, “I feel this … sense of longing. Like I want it. I know my dad was shitty and only semi-decent once he was dying, but I think I’d be a good dad.”

My heart clenches. “You’d be a great dad.”

He grins at me, and his smile lights up all the darkest parts of me. Jace never used to smile, and each one was a rare and precious gift, but now he smiles freely, and it’s the greatest thing I’ve ever witnessed.

“Just think about it,” he pleads.

I nod, pushing my eggs around my plate. “I will.”

I’m only twenty-three, and I’ve only been out of school for a year. I barely have my life figured out. I’m still working at the record store, and Joel and I are trying to start a photography business together—as soon as we can figure out a practical way to make a business out of our art. Both of us are alike in that we don’t want to photograph weddings or stuff like that. We prefer to be more creative. But making a business out of it … It’s not easy, and for the last year it’s seemed impossible.

I manage to force some of the food into my belly, but I barely taste it.

What Jace confessed plays in a loop through my brain.

A baby?

My gut reaction is to think he’s absolutely lost his mind. We’re young, we have plenty of time to think about having kids later, but another part of me thinks maybe it’d be okay.

I don’t take having a baby lightly, though.

I had to give up Greyson at sixteen. It sucked and nearly ripped me to shreds. I know Owen and I couldn’t have managed being parents so young and giving him up for adoption was the best thing for him, but it doesn’t mean it was easy.

I know Jace and I wouldn’t be having a baby to give it up for adoption, it’s a totally different situation, but I can’t help but compare the two.

I wasn’t ready to have a baby then—but am I ready now?

I throw away what’s left on my plate and stand to wash it. Jace finishes and comes up behind me. He lays his plate on the counter and wraps his arms around me from behind.

I sigh and lean against his chest, closing my eyes.

He presses his lips into my neck. “Think about it, but don’t overthink it.”

I laugh and turn in his arms so I face him. “How’d you know I was overthinking it?”

He smiles slowly. “Because I know you, and I could see that hamster wheel in your head turning a mile a minute.” He taps the side of my head.

I sigh, ducking my head into his chest. “I’m sorry, I can’t help it. This is … big.”

“It could be life changing,” he agrees. “But I think we’re ready.”

His confidence in us astounds me. In the past, I felt like I was always the one pushing for more. Jace was never a relationship kind of guy, but one taste of him and I was addicted. I needed more. I needed all of him. I finally got it, something no other woman ever accomplished. Now he’s the one wanting to take the next step. It blows my mind because I never expected it. Well, I mean I knew we wanted kids down the road, but I figured it’d be a couple more years.

But now he’s planted the seed, and I can’t help but think maybe now is the time.

Sometimes we wait for things because we’re scared.

I don’t want to go through life denying myself things because I’m scared.

That’s not me.

It’s not us.

We’re wild and chaotic.

A storm that can’t be contained.

I press up on my tiptoes and kiss him softly—he deepens it, of course. Jace is nothing if not a take charge kind of guy, and he will never admit to it, but he’s highly passionate.