Broken Hearts (Light in the Dark 5)

I was going to finally break my silence. I hadn’t figured out what I was going to say yet but I knew I had to say something. While I was contemplating, that fucking bubble with dots popped up.

I wish I’d never picked up my phone, then I wouldn’t know she was contemplating sending me something and decided against it.

“Meow.”

I glance at Sasha beside me on the couch. She looks up at me with big eyes before climbing in my lap.

I always thought people said cats were ornery, but not Sasha. She’s been glued to my side ever since I got her. She’s good company, and amusing. She likes to sit on the counter when I cook. She watches me almost like she’s judging me, which I think is hysterical.

I pet her behind the ears and she begins to purr.

Nova should be here, with me, not all the way on the other side of the country.

It’s not right.

Those dots continue to haunt me, though, and I imagine the worst.

I imagine her telling me it’s over and she’s not coming back.

A life without her, it’s too dark for me to even see.

I wake up and stare at the ceiling.

I will it to give me answers.

You know, answers to questions like, what the fuck are people put on this earth for?

What is the right thing? Is there ever a right thing in any situation?

Does true love actually exist or is it only an illusion?

Do we delude ourselves into believing the impossible because it makes us feel better about how small we are?

Ceiling thoughts are a very serious venture.

I lie there for a good hour before I finally extract myself from bed. Sasha opens one eye and blinks at me. I’m sure she’s pissed at me for disturbing her beauty sleep. She sleeps twenty hours a day, I swear.

I shove my fingers forcefully through my hair. It’s getting too long, but I can’t be bothered to cut it. I step into the bathroom and flick on the light.

My reflection in the mirror is of a stranger.

I haven’t shaved since Nova left, so I’m looking a little caveman-esque. My hair is a fucking mess, and my eyes are bloodshot from too much alcohol and too little sleep.

I always used to kick the girls I slept with out before we got to the actual falling asleep part, but with Nova, I can’t sleep without her. It’s like she’s my security blanket or something, and that fact makes me angry. I hate I’ve come to need her so much. I guess I naively never thought something like this would happen.

What we have is special, it’s different, I fucking know it and I don’t know how she could abandon us so easily.

I miss her smile.

I miss her laugh.

I miss her touch.

I miss bantering with her.

I miss her stupid shirt with all the fucking sayings on them.

I miss her crap on the bathroom sink.