“Oh, I doubt that sweetheart,” he chuckled.
I leveled him with a glare, which only made him laugh harder.
I slowly picked myself up off the ground and together we headed back to the tunnel and through the locker rooms. I silently thanked whichever god was listening that the room had been empty. I didn’t think I could handle any more humiliation.
The campus was clear of students as Cade walked me to the dorm. It was still early in the morning and people hadn’t started roaming around yet. I was glad that no one was around to witness the two of us together at this time of the morning. If someone caught us the rumor mill would start up.
Cade stopped beside the doors of my dorm and glided his fingers over my cheek. He did that a lot. “Thank you for last night,” his voice was low. Leaning forward, he whispered, “For the record, I really wanted to kiss you.”
***
The dorm room was dark and I eased inside, making sure the door closed silently. I was still reeling from Cade’s admission and I didn’t know what to make of my feelings. They were all over the place. A raging storm.
“Where have you been all night?”
Fuck.
I’d never imagined I’d have to worry about waking Thea since she usually slept like the dead until her alarm went off.
“Tell me everything.” She clapped giddily with a grin. Suddenly she frowned. “On second thought, maybe you shouldn’t tell me. You were probably with my brother and that would be gross.”
I leaned against the door and sighed. I knew there was no way I was getting out of this. “Yes, I was with your brother.”
“And did anything happen?” She prompted.
I frowned, thinking of the almost kiss. “No.”
“Did you want something to happen?”
“Thea,” I snapped, “would you please stop prying? I have no idea what all these feelings inside me mean and talking about them with you only makes them get even more jumbled.” I started to pant from lack of oxygen.
“Oh.” Her eyes widened in surprise. “I’m sorry I asked.”
“Please, don’t be mad,” I pleaded, “but I hardly understand what I feel and when you ask me questions it only makes it more confusing.” I pressed a hand to my head, feeling a headache coming on. “God, this is confusing.”
“Have you ever been in love before? Sorry,” she slapped a hand over her mouth, “that was another question.”
I sat down on my bed and decided to open up and share a little bit of myself with Thea. “Yes, I’ve been in love. I thought he was my forever.”
“So…what happened? Did he turn out to be a jerk?”
I closed my eyes and swallowed thickly, tears pricking my eyes. “He died.” And it was my fault.
“Oh,” her mouth parted, “Rae, I’m so sorry.”
I looked away, not wanting to see the pity in her eyes. The people that didn’t know the whole story were always so sympathetic. I didn’t deserve it. Not when I was the one responsible. Sometimes, I felt like the hate was easier to deal with than the pity. At least the hate I could understand. I felt it too, because I hated myself. That didn’t mean I wanted to surround myself by those people, though.
“Some things just aren’t meant to be,” I shrugged like it was no big deal. I didn’t want her to know how much I was still affected by Brett’s death. Forcing my eyes to hers, I pleaded, “Could you do me a favor and not tell your brother about this?” It had been hard enough telling Thea, I didn’t want Cade to know too. I didn’t want to become that girl, the one where whispers were heard behind her back as people pointed and speculated. I’d gotten enough of that back home and the last thing I wanted was Cade asking questions, because he would.
Thea nodded slowly. “If you don’t want me to, I won’t, but I don’t see what difference it makes if he knows or not.”
“You wouldn’t understand,” I muttered.
She sighed. “Maybe I would if you’d actually trust me.” With a sigh, she lay back down and rolled over with her back to me, effectively ending the conversation.
I pinched the bridge of my nose.
I could see now that if I didn’t open up to Thea, and Cade too, about everything I would inevitably lose them.