“S-Sarah? Hannah?” I couldn’t turn around to see them and I was starting to panic. I looked into the rearview mirror, hoping I would find them alive.
I saw Hannah slumped over and bloody. She wasn’t moving.
And Sarah…it was like she wasn’t in the car at all.
Despite the searing pain in my abdomen I leaned over the door and looked out towards the road. Maybe I’d passed out and she was okay. Maybe she’d gotten out to get help. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
I couldn’t see her anywhere, but I saw something behind the car lying on the ground. I squinted my eyes, hoping to see more clearly.
My hand shot to my mouth as I sobbed.
Sarah lay on the road behind the car, broken, mangled, and bloody. Her neck lay at an unnatural angle—as did her arms and legs. She reminded me of a broken doll. So…shattered.
“Oh God,” I choked, trying to force air into my lungs. She must not have worn her seatbelt and I hadn’t noticed.
Tears coursed down my cheeks.
I’d done this.
I’d killed them.
I glanced down then and noticed the chunk of glass lodged into my abdomen. Blood coated my shirt and legs. I’d never seen so much blood before.
My adrenaline was fading and my eyes drifted closed.
I knew I wasn’t strong enough to live through this.
Sirens rang in the distance, but I knew—I hoped—they’d be too late.
My body shuddered all over as I relived those horrible moments in the car.
“I-I never told my mom and dad, but I woke up in the car. When I realized what had happened I tried to check on the others. Brett…oh God,” I sobbed, “there was so much blood and his eyes were blank and I knew he was gone. I tried to check on Hannah and Sarah. I saw Sarah lying on the side of the road. Her body…it was so mangled. It was horrible. And Hannah…she was gone too. I passed out at that point, from blood loss.” My hand absentmindedly stroked the gash on my abdomen. “They said I was lucky, but there’s nothing lucky about living when you kill your friends.”
“You didn’t kill them, Rae.” He spoke softly, like he was afraid if he raised his voice to a normal level I’d be scared away.
I snorted. “Um, I’m pretty sure they’re dead and I was driving so that makes it my fault. I killed them just as surely as if I held a knife to their throat. They’re never going to graduate high school, college, get married, have kids. Their lives are over.” I slashed my hands through the air. “And I’m still living mine. It isn’t right.”
Cade stood and stalked towards me slowly.
He reached up and cupped my cheek. I flinched, ready to back away, but he grasped my neck to hold me in place.
“Don’t you dare try to run from me,” he growled lowly.
“I’m a monster.”
I tried to hide my face from him, but then the fingers of his free hand were on my chin forcing my head up.
“You’re not a monster, Rachael.”
I swallowed thickly. Rachael. He called me Rachael. It was the first time he’d ever said my whole name.
“Things like that happen. It’s awful and it was wrong,
I’m not denying that, but you can’t beat yourself up for the rest of your life.” The hand at the nape of my neck curled into my long hair. His forehead lowered so that it was pressed against mine. “You have to move on and live your life for the people that can’t. Your friends would want that for you.”
“Why would they?” I countered.
“If you were the one that had died, would you want one of them or all of them to feel as guilty as you do? To weigh themselves down with this unnecessary burden?”