“You do,” I admitted. “When I’m with you everything feels right.” I hoped I hadn’t given away too much of my feelings with my words, but with the way he smiled it had been the perfect thing to say. I hated to ruin the moment, but I had something I needed to ask him. “Have you ever considered seeing a therapist? You know, to talk about your brother and what your dad does to you.”
Cade looked away, his jaw clenching, and I worried that I’d made him madder than I predicted. After a few moments of breathing deeply he looked back at me. “I probably should, but I don’t know if I can. That’s why I commend you for having the guts to go. I just…I don’t know if I can admit to a stranger that my dad hits me. It makes me feel so pathetic.”
I leaned my head on his shoulder. “You’re not pathetic, Cade. Far from it. You’re strong, loving, a protector, and so many other things. Pathetic, is definitely not one of them. What your dad does, that’s a reflection on him, not you. I…I want you to know,” I reached for his hand, playing with his fingers, “that you can trust me. I’m here anytime you need to talk about things.”
“Back at ya, Sunshine.” He cupped the back of my head and drew me closer so he could kiss my forehead. I closed my eyes, soaking in the feel of him against me.
I worried about Cade. I knew what keeping pain bottled up inside had done to me, and I didn’t want the same to happen to him. After all, if I hadn’t seen his dad hit him he would’ve never told me. But Cade was a different person from me, with a different personality, so maybe he could cope with things better than I could.
“Don’t worry about me,” he whispered, like he knew what I’d been thinking about.
“I can’t help it. I don’t want you to hate yourself for things that aren’t your fault. That’s what I’ve done and I know how miserable it can be.” I looked up at him and found him staring beyond at the trees.
“I’m okay, Sunshine. Really.” He lowered his head to look at me. “Sometimes I want to blame myself and think that it must be my fault that my dad hits me, but then I stop and think, and I know that I’m wrong. I don’t ask for it. He’s just angry. But he’s still my dad, as stupid as that sounds. If he wants to use me as his punching bag, that’s fine.” Cade’s face became fierce all of a sudden. “But if he ever lays a hand on my mom, then we’ll have a problem.”
Reaching up I curled my fingers against his shirt. “Does she know?”
“No,” Cade sighed. “I think she wonders, but she doesn’t want to believe it’s possible. So, I let her think nothing’s wrong,” he shrugged. “Sometimes we have to protect the ones we love, and for me that means keeping my mouth shut.”
I tried a different approach, not wanting to let it go. “What if you saw a little boy on the
street corner and his father hit him?”
He winced. “That’s different.”
“No, it’s not and you know it,” I spoke fiercely, determined to get him to see my point. “You need to stick up for yourself. If you won’t seek help then I think you should at least confront your dad about it.”
He sighed, scratching his stubbled jaw. After a moment he turned and gave me a small smile. “When did you become the one giving me advice?”
“When I started thinking like a normal person.”
He chuckled, resting his chin on top of my head. “You were always normal, Rae, just a little sad.”
He tilted my head back and covered my lips with his. The kiss was slow and sweet, but still managed to leave my toes tingling.
He brushed his nose against mine when he pulled away. “We better eat before we freeze to death.”
“It was your idea to eat out here,” I laughed. “And you’ve yet to tell me where exactly here is.” I looked around the field. The grasses were dry and brittle looking, but I was sure in the spring and summer it was bright green and soft. Maybe flowers even bloomed.
“I’m not sure exactly,” he shrugged, taking a bite of his sandwich.
“You’re not sure?” I laughed. “What if this is private property?”
“Well, in the four years I’ve been coming here no one has chased me off so I’d say we’re safe. Now eat,” he pointed at my food.
“Okay, okay,” I obliged.
“Sometimes I come here when I want to get away from school and think…” He paused. “And get away from the football field. Out here, there’s no one to bother me. I can sit for hours and just be me.”
“You spend a lot of time by yourself, don’t you?” I questioned.
“I guess so,” he shrugged. “I learned that it was easier that way.”
I laid my head on his shoulder and inhaled his familiar scent. “But you brought me here.”
“I know.” He laid his food down and wrapped his arms around me. “I’ve begun to realize that no place holds any meaning without you.”
My breath faltered.