“Hey,” Cade murmured, noting the single tear coursing down my eye. “What’s wrong, Sunshine?”
I knew I could lie and tell him it was the onion making the tears, but I didn’t want to. I always wanted to be honest with Cade.
“They’re happy tears, Cade,” I told him, leaning up to kiss his cheek right where his dimple was when he smiled wide. “I know now that I’m going to be okay and it feels so good to be free of it. I chained myself to that broken car and for a long time I thought my life couldn’t move past that, but it can. I know now that I’m going to be alright,” I rambled. “I don’t feel like I’m a horrible person anymore.”
He wiped the tear away and tilted my head back to place a small kiss on my lips.
“You’re a remarkable person, you know that?” He leaned his forehead against mine. “I’m so glad you can finally see what I’ve seen from the beginning. You deserve to see your true beauty, because it shines through in everything you do, Rachael.”
Beauty.
Happiness.
Sunshine.
It was all sort of the same thing, wasn’t it?
They’d been masked by a dark cloud for me, for a long time now, but the storm had passed and now this Rae of Sunshine could truly shine.
twenty-seven
Waking up next to Cade was something I could get used to, especially when he made me feel so good. My body felt languid and relaxed. I was so comfortable in fact that I completely forgot about our plan to visit my parents until he mentioned getting ready.
It was so nice in the cozy cabin that a small part of me was sad to leave. I hoped we could come back one day.
We cleaned up and headed back to campus. If we were going to be gone at least a week we needed to pack more than we’d brought to the cabin. Cade dropped me off at my dorm before heading to his. He told me he’d be back to pick me up in twenty minutes.
I hurried around my dorm room, packing everything I thought I might need. Really, I was just busying myself so I didn’t worry about going back home and what I knew it meant.
I had to visit the graves.
Kathleen was right, saying goodbye and acknowledging that they were gone was what I needed to gain true closure. I still felt terrified, even though I knew in my heart that this was the right thing to do.
I didn’t bother to call my mom and tell her we were coming. I just couldn’t seem to bring myself to do it, even though I knew she would be thrilled. A part of me was still scared that I’d get there, panic, and demand that Cade turn the car around and take me back to campus.
I sat on my bed, taking deep breaths.
You can do this, Rae. There is nothing to be afraid of.
My little speech seemed to help and I finished packing. I slung my duffel bag over one shoulder and my camera bag over the other.
Cade was already waiting in the parking lot and he jumped out of the Jeep to help me with my bags.
“What the fuck are you wearing?” I stopped dead in my tracks.
He looked down at the blue shirt and sweater he wore. “What’s wrong with this? I didn’t think it was appropriate to meet your parents in my jersey. I was trying to dress up.”
I could tell I’d offended him so I immediately felt bad. “It’s just…I’ve never seen you dressed like that before. I like it.” In fact, the dorky sweater was actually growing on me. There was something about it that was very much Cade in a weird way.
He put my bags in the back and I climbed in the car. Bags of Cheetos, Trail-Mix, and Doritos covered the middle console.
“Where did you get all this?” I asked.
“My room,” he shrugged, messing with the radio station. “Som
etimes I get hungry and I like to have options.”
“I can tell,” I laughed, eyeing all the bags.