Malachi and I

“He had tuberculosis…the end stage is bad. He wanted to spare you—”

“Tuberculosis? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!” She put her hands to her head once more. “He was fine! I spoke with him two days ago! He was fine!”

“He went for treatment—”

“WHY DO YOU KNOW THIS?!” She grabbed the things from her bag and threw it at me. “I’m his family! Me! I’m his granddaughter! WHY AM I HEARING THIS FROM YOU?”

I couldn’t answer that question and she began to hyperventilate.

“Esther…”

She backed away from me shaking her head. “This whole time…this whole time I was just being babysat? You were doing this for him? You were watching over me to keep me from going to my grandfather? You let him die alone!”

“He asked—”

“What about me?! WHY? Why isn’t anyone asking me?! Uhh…” She reached up to her throat unable to breathe.

When I came to her she backed away but I reached out. Not caring that she held on to me, I placed my hands on her shoulders I put my face in front of hers.

“Breathe. Esther. Just breathe.” She wasn’t listening to me. She was giving in to panic. Putting her hands on her face I made her look me in the eye. “I know it hurts—”

She slapped my hands away once more and slowly sank to the ground and curled into the fetal position as her tears rolled off the side of the nose while she tried to breathe. Laying down beside her she said three little words I never thought I’d hear.

“I…Hate…You…” she said in between breaths.

Hate me but live. I thought as she kept sobbing.

ESTHER

Was the wooden ground that I now laid upon cold or was it me?

I couldn’t feel anything.

I just sang. “Baby it’s cold…”

“I've got to go away...”

Through the streams of my tears I noticed him laying down beside me…singing with me. I tried to wipe away my tears but they fell even more. Everything…all the time he’d spent with me…all the things we’d shared. It had all been for my grandfather’s sake. He’d gotten to say goodbye. He’d gotten to…to be there for him, while…while I just played around.

“I hate you.”

“Sing with me anyway.”

I didn’t. Instead I made a wish. “I wish you’d bring him back. Bring him back, Malachi.”

“I can’t. If I could, I would, but I can’t.”

I needed to go.

I should have never come here to begin with.

I should have never left him.

The moment I did. He was gone.

Pushing up off the ground, I stood up. “Take me to the airport. I wish…I wish to never see you again.”

MALACHI