“So what? I should go mess around with them? That’s your fatherly advice?”
“Yes.” He nodded as he looked at the cigarette and finally lifted it to his mouth, taking a long drag before looking at me. “If you were with them, they wouldn’t mess up as badly. They simply want to get close to you. But you’ve decided to build the Berlin Wall between the both of you. You’re depressing as fuck to be around. I can handle it. In some ways, it reminds me of your mother. She was better at that than you, though. She could stand at a distance but still somehow make herself available. It was remarkable to watch actually. Pure genius.”
“Yes, mother was amazing. But I still don’t understand what you’re saying. Whether I smile or not, as long as I do my job I’m fine. They are. Besides it’s not that I don’t…I don’t…”
“Love them?”
I hated his smug ass so much sometimes. “They know I care about them.”
“Knowing and feeling is different, Ethan, especially for brothers. The colder you are, the more distance you put between the both of you by forcing yourself to grow up, the harder it will become for you to connect with each other.”
“If I’ve had to grow, it’s because this family made me grow. There are no kids in this family, just targets, you give them any small opening and then they—”
“End you.” He took a second drag of his cigarette. “You’re right.”
“So why do I get the feeling you’re telling me I’m not right?”
He frowned, and his eyes softened as he looked me over. “You have to be powerful, and you have to be knowledgeable. Both are essential to your survival.”
“But?” I questioned, eyebrow raised.
“The more powerful you become. The more you know…the more painful this job gets. You will take losses. We’ve all taken losses, and the way we make it through is by relying on the love in this family. The bonds in this family. If you do not connect to them, when the time comes, when you feel like you’ve gotten to the bottom of the barrel and simply wish to die, promise you’ll turn to your family and not just depend on the knowledge and power you have.”
“If I’m not strong enough to fix whatever has happened…how could they be?” They barely cared. They were all looking for their outs, ways to leave this family to be normal.
“How would you know what they are capable of you don’t even speak to them?” he asked me.
Ignoring him, I opened my book again.
“I’ll just be good enough not to hit rock bottom,” I said, causing him to laugh. I gripped onto the book to keep from beating the shit out of him with it. Instead, I picked another weapon…words. “What’s the matter, Father? Are you scared that one day I’ll outdo you? That you’ll become nothing but a memory as I take over. I’m smarter than you were. Stronger than you were. I will be great. So great, I’ll overshadow you and every other man in this family.”
“Oh, please, go ahead…I’ll watch from hell as you stumble and fall right on your face.” He grinned, nodding to me once more.
“I think I’ll go see—”
“You will sit your ass down and listen to my wisdom, gratefully,” he snapped. Rolling my eyes, I did what he asked and sat back down.
“I have no doubt you’ll be great, son. Just like I know that greatness will break you if you have no one beside you. And I’m not just talking about a wife.”
“So this is really about Wyatt?” I should have fucking known.
“It’s about the both of you!” he hollered at me. “I will not always be here. One day you will take over, and you cannot shoulder that alone. When your mother died, you both decided to feel nothing and turned away from each other—”
“I wonder who we learned that from,” I sneered back at him, rising to my feet. “I apologize, but I’ve got work to do. Shoot me if you like.”
“Ethan,” he called, not bothering look behind him as he took his third and final puff of his smoke. “Promise me, when that day comes, you’ll turn to your bother.”
“Fine. I give my word. Let’s see if he’ll actually be there,” I muttered the last bit to myself as I walked back into the manor.
But of course, the very last person I wanted to see came walking in my direction. He didn’t say anything and just kept walking as if I didn’t exist, his hands in his pockets.
“You don’t know how to say hello?” I asked when he passed me.
“Hello. Oh, look at that I do…I just must have not wanted to say it to you.”
Inhaling deeply, I held my head high. “One of these days, Wyatt, you’re going to need me, and I’m not going to be there for you.”
“I promise not to need you then. Win-win for us both. I won’t be such a burden, right?” Then, before I could even say another word, he was out one of the glass doors. I watched him take the seat I’d just been sitting in, pulling out a deck of cards from his pocket.