Stevie came up, dressed in a light green floral dress, her red hair up in a ponytail.
“Stevie! You look nice. So, I was in town and I thought I’d come and see you. I’m sorry, I was going to call, but I dropped my phone in my toilet. This place really is nice.”
Nathaniel looked between us both and just headed back inside.
“I’m sorry, were you guys in the middle of something? I can go and come back. I bought a car.” I pointed to the white Audi convertible in her driveway with Taigi sitting in the passenger seat.
“Gwen, are you all right?”
“Not at all, I think they cheated me on it, really. Did you know you could buy cars right off the lot? It was a little too expensive, but I was in a hurry. At first, I was going to take the bus here, but I would have had to walk another hour just to get to your house from the station. Then I was going to take a taxi, but I knew that would have looked bad if you all had company. So I said, 'What the hell, I’m a millionaire! I should splurge right?' So I went to the dealership and bought myself a brand new Audi and drove here. It’s nice, right?” I pointed back at it and Taigi barked. “Taigi loves it.”
She walked up to me and placed her hands on my face. “You sound like you’ve lost your mind and it’s scaring me, Gwen. What happened? Are your parents okay? Is everything okay?”
I bit my lip, trying to stop myself from breaking down, but it didn’t work. Nothing worked, and all I could do was hug her.
“Okay, cry first. We can talk later.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Love Me Enough To…
Guinevere
Later didn’t come for two days. Every time I tried to talk about it, my eyes would start to burn and I would break down again. Stevie and I sat on the beach, Taigi’s head on my lap as the sun rose over the horizon. She handed me the chocolate bar, and I broke myself off another piece.
“He called me,” she whispered. “Eli. He called last night, wanting to know if I had spoken to you. He sounded like he was—”
“Please don’t,” I begged, brushing Taigi’s fur. “Each time I think of him, I think of her, pregnant. If I stayed in his life then I would be jealous, and upset, and…forced to see her as long as he wanted to be with me. I just see myself getting hurt, and hurting him in return.”
On top of the fact that I wasn’t even sure if I wanted kids, let alone being step-anything to anyone.
“So you are never going to speak to him again? It’s not his fault, Gwen.”
“I know. I know it
’s not his fault. All of this was before me, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s going to be a father, or is one already. I don’t see any room for me. There is no room for me in his life. It’s neither of our fault, but I can’t; I don’t want to spend my life waiting on the sidelines, hoping one day it will be just us.” I tried to laugh, but my voice cracked. “Remember how I said Nathaniel wasn’t the right guy for you? Thank you for telling me to shove it, because I would hate it if I had messed up your life as much as I have mine.”
“You didn’t mess up your life.” She took my hand. “Things just happen, and life is just life. And you were right about Nathaniel back then, he was a tool. He cheated on me.”
“No, he didn’t.” If he had, I was going to kill him.
She nodded, spinning the ring on her finger. “It was a few weeks after I dropped out. I met the girl and punched her right in the face, but I couldn’t face you. I didn’t drop out because of Nathaniel, I dropped out because I couldn’t keep up, and there you were, excelling at the speed of light. I felt like my world was crumbling, and I couldn’t face you or my parents, so I broke up with Nathaniel and worked at a bar that year we didn’t speak. I could have called you at any time, but I just wanted to be on my own. Nathaniel and I had just gotten back together when we became friends again. I never told you because it seemed dumb in hindsight, and I knew you would be upset you hadn’t come earlier.”
“I’m a pretty bad friend. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there, Stevie, and here I am coming to you now, crying all over your shoulder.”
She shrugged. “You came because you trusted me, and I’m happy. I feel bad that I didn’t trust you enough back then.”
I pulled her into a hug, and we both fell onto the sand, laughing.
“Promise me no matter what, you will tell me if anything happens, all right? And if Nathaniel ever—”
“I got it, I got it. Go, you have your own love life to sort out.”
That was the problem. I had a life, but I no longer had a love life.
Eli
I was a father.