I had no clue how to fix this. I didn’t know how we were expected to function with our hearts ripped out. Everything was just broken now.
The Callahan family was broken.
That’s what my mother died for…a broken family.
Knock.
Knock.
“Not now,” I said.
The door opened anyway, and in came the woman I wanted to strangle the most, dressed in new clothes and a fresh face. Immediately, we both got up, but she ignored us and walked over to my father.
“What are you doing?” I snapped.
Again, she ignored me, and it was only then I noticed the tablet in her hands. She placed it toward my father, who still laid there like the dead. With that, she got back up and moved back to the door. Just as she left, the video came on, and my mother’s tired but smiling face was on the screen.
“Declan? Sweetheart, I’ll give you second,” she spok
e, and like magic, my father’s eyes opened. He didn’t move, and neither did we. My mother’s smiled so wide they made my eyes begin to sting. “I hope you’re listening. And I hope I do this video well. Calliope’s been very patient with me as I’ve choked a few times, trying to get the words out. So first and foremost, I want to say I am sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to a hundred and ten with you. I am so sorry. I really, really wanted to. I swear I did, baby. I swear.”
The tears rolled out of my father’s eyes as they spilled out of mine.
“I don’t know why my body is weak. I don’t know why the cancer came back. We worked so hard to kill it the first time. You worked so hard to see me through it, too. It sucks. I hate it. I want to live. I don’t want to die. I’m so scared of dying.” In the video, her eyes filled with tears, too. And she was handed a box of tissues by who I could only guess was Calliope.
“Should I start over?” she asked her.
“I don’t think you are ever not going to cry,” Calliope’s voice went on. “Keep going as you are. I’ll cut out all the bad parts.”
My mother nodded, blinking away her tears a few more times. “I don’t want to die, but I am dying. And it hurts. Every day it hurts physically, mentally, and emotionally. But even still, my biggest fear isn’t dying; it’s what will happen to you all once I am gone. I know you, baby. I know what’s in your head. First, your parents, and now me. We’ve all left you, and it is not fair. It hurt you badly. I think about how you will deal with that, and I can’t think of a way. I wrote you letters; Calliope said she’ll give them to you. But I doubt that will be enough, right? I’m sorry. I’m sorry I left you. And I’m sorry about how I left you with no chance to fight back or try. Part of me wanted to tell you and the kids, but I couldn’t. Knowing kills the joy in everything. And I’ve had so much joy with you. With our children and our family. Can you live to protect that for me? Live and protect what I was forced to let go of? Helen is so stubborn; she’ll never accept this. I don’t want her to ruin her own life. Darcy, I’m scared Darcy will become something ugly and ruin his too. Baby, please…even if you're angry at me, or my choice, please forgive and protect everything I couldn’t.”
I didn’t want to listen anymore.
Wiping my face, I ran. My heart trembled, and I felt sick, but I kept running. I wasn’t sure where I was running until I ended up at his door, pounding.
“Helen?”
I grabbed him and sobbed. Like a child, I sobbed.
“Shh,” Wyatt whispered as he kissed the side of my head, pulling me into his room. “It’s okay.”
It wasn’t okay.
Why out of everyone, did it have to be her?
And why did she keep saying sorry?
It wasn’t her fault.
Hearing her say sorry only made me feel worse.
My mom was dead.
And it hurt.
CALLIOPE
I don’t know why I chose to go to Declan and Coraline’s room. Why I chose now of all times to give them that video, it might have been Evelyn’s little pep talk. It was the first time I’d really been given a pep talk, at least one without any ulterior motive. Just a talk to make me feel better. It was what normal families did. It was nice. So, it made me want to be nice, at least for a second. However, that was the wrong thing to do.