I froze, staring into at the empty aisle of the church.
She’d left.
It wasn’t even a day.
It wasn’t even two hours.
She couldn’t manage to even do that.
How long did she make me kneel for her?
CALLIOPE—AGE 6
“No, Mommy! No! I’m sorry!” I screamed, trying to hold onto the wall, but she pulled me.
“Get out! Get out, you miserable thing! Get out!”
“No, Mommy!” I tried to keep holding the wall, but my fingers slipped. I reached out for anything but found nothing. I felt the cold air. “Mommy!”
“Shut up!”
“Ah!” I gasped, hitting the snow and the ground. I couldn’t breathe, the wind smacking my face with ice and snow. Wrapping my hands around my stomach, I hugged myself.
“How many times did I tell you!” she yelled from the door. “You wet the bed one more time and I would put you out like a dog! Only dogs don’t know how to control themselves!”
“I…I’m sorry, Mommy.” I shivered.
“Kneel here and until you learn!” She pointed to a spot in front of the door. “Kneel!”
Nodding, I kneeled, trying to stop from shaking. But she saw me.
Smack!
“Kneel right.”
It was hard.
The wind was so heavy that my nightgown came up. I hugged myself tighter. Trying to kneel.
“You can’t even do that. Useless.”
“I’m…sorry…”
Slam!
The door closed right in my face.
“Mommy…it’s cold…” I whispered. My voice hurt. I couldn’t feel my hands. “M…om…my.” I glanced up, but the lights went out. I bite my lip, hanging my head.
I wanted to move.
No, Mommy will come back.
Mommy will be back.
I have to kneel… Mommy will see and let me come in.
“Is it working?”