When did it happen?
When did I understand what it meant to be a Callahan?
To be Ethan Antonio Giovanni Callahan.
Staring up at the waters above me until my eyes drifted closed, one memory, one moment came forward…
ETHAN - AGE ELEVEN
He looked like what everyone said Santa Claus was supposed to look like…with everything but the long white beard, though, which made his red faced, white fat body, cloaked in red robes disturbing to see.
“Why is there a screen here if I can still see you?”
He laughed. “Is this your first confession, boy?”
I don’t like hi,. I thought immediately and for three good reasons too.
One, he laughed when I was being serious.
Two, he didn’t answer my question.
Three, he called me “boy.”
“Yes,” I answered anyway but only because Mom told me to be respectful in church.
“By your seat there is a card. It will tell you what you have to say.”
I really don’t like him.
Why would you put a card in a dark stall? It was stupid.
Reaching around me, I got the small little card and lifted it up, reading.
“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned…but no, I haven’t.” I looked back up at him.
“Really now?” he said, his voice going up. “You haven’t done anything wrong?”
“Nope.”
“Sometimes we may think things aren’t wrong or so small that they aren’t sins, but God cares about them all,” he replied.
“Okay, when I have something, I’ll come back,” I told him, putting the card down.
“So you’ve never said anything to hurt someone? Maybe pushed your little sister—”
“Why would I push my sister?”
“Or hit your brother?”
“Didn’t do that either.”
“Yelled or fought with your parents?”
“No. My parents would kill me and then bring me back to kick my ass to Ireland so every Callahan there could kill me again.” I laughed at that. I liked Ireland. Everyone was kinda like Uncle Neal.
“Callahan?”
The way he said the name made me pay attention to him. He said it like…like it was shocking or scary even. No. When I looked into his blue eyes they were wide-open and shaking. I didn’t know that was possible. Maybe his whole head was shaking and I could only really see his eyes.