I gave her another smile and picked up my fork. We’d both gone with pasta. I’d gotten the ragu while Sian had gone for a vegan pasta with lots of grilled vegetables. It looked good.
We ate our meal in silence to start off with.
“What do you want to be once all of this is over?” she asked.
“When what is over?”
“High school. College.”
“I’m going to be working to take over from my father at Flores Empire.”
“Is that what they want you to do or what you want to do?” she asked.
“Does there have to be a difference?”
“Yes. I don’t want to be a lawyer or a doctor, but it’s what my parents want of me.”
“Ah, I see.” He smiled. “I’ve never given it much thought.”
“Not a one?”
“No.” I didn’t have the luxury of thinking about the future like I could have anything I wanted.
The moment I was born, my life had been mapped out. Even my initiation into The Society had been confirmed. There was no choice for me. Just a responsibility to do the right thing. It was all I’d been told to do. That and follow my father’s instructions without making waves.
Everything all seemed so simple until Sian entered my life. Now I couldn’t help but question my very existence. Nothing made a lot of sense.
Not Sian. Not the selection. Not my father or her mother. There were too many questions and not enough places to find answers, and out of everything we’d all been through, that was the most trying of it all.
Not having answers.
No way of knowing what was the truth and what were lies.
We finished our meal and even ordered dessert. By the end of the night, we had a relaxed feel between us. I drove back to campus. Sian was quiet for the longest time.
I’d turned the radio on in an attempt to fill the silence. I doubted it worked. She looked ready to explode.
She reached forward, turning it off. “Pull over.”
“What?”
“Pull over.”
When it was safe to do so, I pulled the car over to the curb. The road was quiet. Only a few lights worked, highlighting the darkened road.
I enjoyed driving at night for the peace it gave me. There was no trouble here. I still had to be responsible for the way I drove, but I could be a little reckless.
“I’ve stopped and pulled over. Now what?”
She unbuckled her seatbelt, sliding out from the seat.
I wasn’t in the mood for this. I followed her, leaving my car door open as I went to her, grabbing her arm.
“I don’t know what game you’re playing, but I’m bored of it.”
“Then be bored. I’m not.”
Suddenly, I watched as she took a giant breath and then expelled it in a scream that had me letting go of her arm to cover my ears.
What the fuck?
She continued to scream. I was shocked by the sheer size of her lungs. She was so fucking loud. I felt my ears ringing from the noise.
The moment she stopped, she released a chuckle and turned to me. “You know, I read once that screaming can be some kind of anger therapy, and they were right. I feel great.”
“And I’ve got the start of a headache. Great. Let’s go.”
She wouldn’t budge as I tried to get her back into the car. “No.”
“Sian, it’s late.”
“So. Scream.”
“I’m not going to do this.”
“Why?”
“I don’t need to.”
She dug her heels in like a child. “You’re what, too good to scream?”
“I’ve got nothing to scream about.”
“No? You could have fooled me. You’re your father’s little protégé. You don’t know what you want to be because you’ve spent so much time doing as you’re told. Do you even know how to think for yourself?”
“Don’t push it.”
“Or what? You’re going to call your dad and ask him how to handle it?”
Her words jarred me. They were cruel as I imagined they were meant to but they also pissed me off in ways I didn’t think was possible. I glared at her.
“Scream, Gideon. Let it all out.”
The temptation was there. I felt it vibrate in my chest, wanting to come out, to explode. To fill that void.
“If you won’t. I’ll do it for the both of us.” She tugged out of my hold, tilted her head back, breathed deep, and the moment she started screaming, I didn’t know what came over me, but it was like I had a need to prove that I could do it. Either that, or to show her it didn’t matter. How nothing mattered other than getting the job done. Screaming wouldn’t change the outcome.
Nothing would.
My mouth filled that void. The anger spilling into screams of rage. I channeled all the hatred I’d kept bottled inside.
It kept on going. Even after I ran out of breath, I took another, and let it all out. I had no choice.