All the Sauce (IceCats 4)

Which is highly unfortunate.

I tuck my phone into my caddy and head out of my room. As soon as the door opens, Leroy looks over at me from the table where he is eating a bowl of something. The same look of disgust I’m welcomed with every morning fills his features. If he weren’t such a jackass, I’d find him attractive. He has dirty-blond hair and deep brown eyes. He’s very athletic and hopes to play for the IceCats once he graduates. I’ve seen him play, and while he may look the part of an incredible hockey player, he is not.

I don’t say that because I don’t like him.

He falls far more than skates.

He looks away, and I don’t say anything as I enter the bathroom, thankfully dodging a conversation with him. Before I can shut the door, though, Leroy’s voice carries back to me.

“Don’t break the toilet when you sit on it.”

I close my eyes and remind myself that I shall not choose violence this morning.

The thing I dislike most about Leroy is that his voice echoes in my head all day. I was so excited about my new scrub set that was ordered for me by the organization. The scrubs are an insanely awesome red with silver thread. Along the pocket is my name, Angela Paxton, with London’s addition, “Future Mental Health Science Researcher.” I am stoked for when the word “Future” is gone and I’m finally a for-real researcher. I can’t help but not want to be a size sixteen when I order those new scrubs, but I’m struggling to get weight off.

Since moving to South Carolina, I’ve gained seventy pounds. If I’m honest, I began gaining weight once I started college, but I like to blame the weight gain on my move and all the demons I’ve fought to overcome. I’m not entirely sure how I’ve gained weight. I don’t overeat—only when I’m super stressed. Especially around finals, I’ll stress eat to the fullest. I guess I could move more, but between school and the compound, I really don’t have time. It stresses me to think about, but I’m too concerned with everything else that I don’t focus much on my weight. Well, that is, not until Leroy’s punk ass says something and gets in my head. I hate that dude.

I try to push him out of my mind as I look over my grades, pleased that I’m maintaining my 4.0. It’s been hard, but I’m dead set on graduating early. I want to start working for real. I want to be done with school so then I can focus on my body. Or possibly even start dating again. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel so lonely. And as if it’s on cue from the good Lord above, the group chat with my family chimes.

It’s my uncle Jude, with a picture of his son, Harrison, sitting on his wife Claire’s huge belly. Oh, the tears fill my eyes within seconds. They have been trying for a baby for as long as I can remember. When they were blessed with Harrison through adoption, we all thought they were done, but then Claire became pregnant, and the baby is thriving. My God, it’s such a blessing. She looks gorgeous, with her strawberry-blond hair flowing and her bright-blue eyes glowing as Harrison holds her belly tight. He’s the most gorgeous baby I’ve ever seen. Olive skin and dark brown eyes with crazy-curly dark hair. Jude refuses to cut his hair, no matter how much my grandma complains that it’s so hard to comb through. Though, she doesn’t complain much. She is one of those grandmas that loves so damn hard, even after all the heartbreak she experienced with her husband leaving her and all. Though, you’d never know it with how much my grandpa River loves her.

My family is huge and so full of love. I think that’s why I struggle so much with how I’ve let myself go. Yes, everyone has gained weight, especially the women, but they had kids and they’re happy. I’m a stressed-out college student who was almost raped and has really bad biological daddy issues. I just feel like I should be doing better. I come from greatness, but I’m not even an ounce of great. It’s depressing, and I hate how in the shitter my confidence is.

Within seconds, everyone in the chat is gushing over them and how excited they are to meet the new baby. Jude and Claire live in Florida, only hours from my other uncle Jace and his wife Avery and their two kids. My uncle Jayden and his wife Baylor live with their kids down the road from my grandma. Jayden is the captain of the Nashville Assassins hockey team, though he’s getting over a really awful injury right now. He broke four ribs, one punctured his lung, and then he got an infection. They’re hoping he’ll be back by next season. I’m just thankful he’s alive. I don’t know who my favorite uncle is, but Jayden is up there. He’s just so supportive and loving.