All the Sauce (IceCats 4)

I smile and nod. “Yeah, you are.”

“No, actually, it’s my dad. He’s in an assisted living home. He has really bad dementia,” she explains, and my heart falls into my stomach. “He calls when he’s having a bad moment. But I took the first call today, so one of my siblings can take this one.”

Oh man. “How many siblings do you have?”

“Eight.”

“For the love of God!”

She snorts. “Yeah, I’m smack-dab in the middle, and I also have nine nieces and nephews.”

“Wow.”

“Unfortunately, I don’t talk to my three older sisters, only my older brother and my younger siblings.” The pain is all over her sweet face. As she moves the curling wand through my hair, her glossy eyes are even shinier. “It’s hard when there are issues within a family. All you want is for everyone to get along and love each other, but sometimes that doesn’t happen.”

“Yeah, that’s hard,” I say, watching her. “Is it your choice not to talk to them or theirs?”

“Oh, theirs,” she says, shaking her head. “They blame me for my mom’s death and my dad’s dementia.”

My eyes widen. “Oh. I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you. It sucks.”

“I’m assuming it wasn’t your fault?”

“Not at all. They got hit by a drunk driver on the way to my softball game. Not only did I lose my parents, but I lost my love for the sport and my siblings. They like to accuse me and my ‘stupid sport,’ so I just do my part for my dad and keep it moving.”

I reach up, holding her hand. “Jean, I’m so incredibly sorry.”

She waves me off. “Thank you. But one thing I’ve learned is that life changes in an instant. There are people who love me and want to be around me. I love myself, and I love my job. I have a new friend,” she says, squeezing my hand back, and my heart swells. “And at the end of the day, I know my mom is proud of me. And if my dad could remember me, he’d be proud too.”

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. I am so very loved by all the members of my family, and I’ve hidden myself away from them. Jean is absolutely right. Life can change in an instant, and if it did and I lost my parents or my siblings, I’d be guilt-ridden that I hadn’t hugged them recently. That I’d spent the last year hating myself. The pain on Jean’s face, her sorrow-filled eyes—I don’t want to ever experience that pain. I know one day I will, but not now. I’m enjoying the excitement and joy I’ve been blessed with lately too much.

“Well, I’m proud of you.”

Her face changes to a sweet grin. “Thanks, Ang. I’m done.”

I look in the mirror, and I see my lips curve up into a wide grin. Instead of the tighter curls I usually have, she’s curled them into wide, luscious waves. My bangs are straight across my forehead, and with my makeup, I look incredible. “Wow, I look really good.”

“Good? Girl, you look like a queen!” She starts to look in her bag. “Maybe I’ve got a crown in here.” I laugh as she fans out my hair and smiles at me in the mirror. “Okay, now it’s time for the dress.” My stomach drops, and I can tell she knows I’m about to freak. “Come on, Angie. Go change.”

“Maybe I can wear the pants and stuff.”

She shakes her head and points to where my dress hangs on the back of the door. “No. I did hair and makeup for that dress.”

“Shit,” I mutter as I walk over to the door to get the dress despite her laughter. Jean wanted me to get the red one they had, but I felt more comfortable in black. It’s more slimming. I reach for it and search for the confidence I somehow had yesterday.

I look back at Jean, and she’s watching me. “Yes?”

I hesitate. “I don’t think I can wear it.”

She makes a face. “Why? You look insanely hot in it!”

“I don’t know. I just don’t feel it today.”

Jean holds my gaze and then gestures with her hands like she’s wanting me to go on. “Talk me through it.”

I feel a lump forming in my throat, and tears sting my eyes as I glance up at the dress. “I’m too big for it.”

“You’re not. It fits you like a glove. We got your size, even when I wanted you to go down a size to make those boobies really pop.”

I know she says it to make me laugh, but I’m freaking out. “I’ve always heard that ‘Just because they make the size, doesn’t mean a bigger person should wear it.’”

She gawks at me. “Where in the hell did you hear that?”

“My mom was in this moms group, and they always were down on the women who didn’t lose weight after they had kids. My mom actually left the group because of it.”