Oliver cupped the back of Matt’s head, feeling his soft hair, rougher because of the product in it. “I know, babe.” It was nothing for Oliver to call him that. He used to do it all the time, but he felt Matt’s muscles briefly go taut before relaxing again.
This was Matt letting his guard down. Oliver knew he needed to, knew he would. He also knew it wouldn’t last. Matt was never good at being vulnerable. He’d briefly let cracks show in his armor before he welded them shut again.
Just as predicted, a short moment later, Matt pulled back.
“Did you guys try to make it work? You and Parker?” Oliver asked. “Maybe there’s a chance.” If Matt was this broken up about it, he obviously still loved his ex.
“No.” There was a finality to Matt’s voice. It was there, in the bones of his voice, the fact that he and Parker were really over. “It was long overdue. Toward the end, he was with other men more than he was with me, and I found that I didn’t care. I almost felt relief. My head hasn’t been in the right place for a while.”
Oliver’s blood went cold, ice crystallizing his veins. “He cheated on you?” What a piece of shit. That was something Oliver would never understand. He could never be with someone and betray them like that. He just didn’t get why people stepped on the feelings of others so easily.
“No,” Matt replied softly. “I knew about it. We had rules in place. It worked for us. I played too, Ollie, a lot more in the beginning. And sometimes Parker and I played together with other people.”
The twist in Oliver’s gut coiled tighter, crawled into his chest and through his throat. Jesus, Matt and Parker had been together for years. They lived together, but they fucked and played with other men both together and separately? Was that the kind of relationship he wanted?
Oliver didn’t move. Hell, he wasn’t sure if he was breathing right then. He just stood there looking at the man standing in front of him. He’d been fascinated with Matt since the first time he came home and caught Matt playing his piano. If he were being honest, he’d wanted to know more about Matt even before that.
But standing there in that moment was the first time he really understood, truly felt that there was no chance he and Matt would’ve ever been good together. They were too different, wanted different things. They were an impossibility.
Oliver had no problem with people living their lives how they wanted. Want an open relationship? Go for it. Fuck your way through life? Have at it. As long as you were happy, that was all that mattered, so he didn’t look down at Matt because of how he’d lived his life with Parker, but he knew that couldn’t be him. It would never be him. There wasn’t a chance he’d ever share someone he thought he loved.
And he also didn’t know what to say right now.
Matt spoke before he had the chance. “Don’t do that. Please don’t fucking do that. Don’t judge me, Oliver.”
“I’m not.” But they both knew he kind of was.
“I can see it in your face. Different doesn’t mean wrong.”
“Fuck.” Oliver cursed quietly because Matt was right. He knew that, but he wasn’t acting like it. “You’re right. To each their own. I meant no disrespect.” Hell, Matt was the only one out of the two of them who’d had a long-term relationship. Maybe he knew something Oliver didn’t.
Matt sighed, but a small smile teased his lips. “I know you didn’t.” He reached out, grabbed the front of Oliver’s shirt so that his hand was against Oliver’s stomach. “Big-hearted Oliver Hayes. You’re too kind for something like that.” He tugged Oliver’s shirt playfully and then let go. “I’m going to lie down.” He disappeared behind the door into Oliver’s guest room. Oliver stood there for a moment, thinking about Matt.…How different he seemed…how lost, before he forced himself to go downstairs and write. He needed to stop overthinking everything where Matt was concerned and wondering what happened to the boy he’d known.
CHAPTER FIVE
It was too quiet for Matt to sleep. He’d known Oliver lived out in the hills of Laurel Canyon, but he didn’t realize how silent it would actually be. He was too used to New York City where people never slept. There were always lights and sounds and an energy he kept expecting but didn’t receive.
Or hell, maybe he was using that as an excuse, and it was really the combination of what went down with Parker added to the way Oliver had looked at him when he’d shared the details about their relationship.
He wasn’t ashamed of the decision they’d made together. He also wasn’t surprised by Oliver’s reaction to it. He and Oliver had always seen a lot of things differently. Hell, it was like they lived on different planets sometimes. Oliver would always do things the right way, and Matt would usually do them the wrong way. Oliver was kind and Matt was gruff. Oliver would always accomplish whatever he set his mind to; Matt gave up. It was just how they were built.