The railing on the bridge creaked when Oliver leaned against it, as well. “Why don’t you come home more often?”
“I don’t know.” And the award for being the biggest liar of the day belonged to Matt.
“Liar,” Oliver replied, calling him out on it and then, “are you happy? Modeling and living in New York…are you happy?”
He thought for a moment. He’d had a lot of good times out there. He’d grown as a person, had experiences he wouldn’t have had in LA. Even Parker, they’d had too many good times to count, but did that mean he was happy? The answer should have come easily. He should be happy but the truth was, he didn’t know how to be. No matter what he did, he wasn’t happy so he answered with, “I’m trying to be.” And he was. He wanted to feel joy in his life. Who didn’t?
Oliver sighed, wrapped an arm around Matt’s shoulders and pulled him closer. There was a warmth to Oliver that only he had. Like he somehow had the power to put people at ease just by being him. It’s why everyone liked him so much. It’s why Matt hadn’t been able to keep himself from letting Oliver in.
“Then start now. Have fun while you’re here. Figure out what’s going on in that crazy fucking head of yours, and then go back to New York and do what you’ve always done.”
“What’s that?” Matt asked.
“Fight. Dream. Want.”
Matt tried to turn away but Oliver grabbed his face. “You’ve always been a fighter. You learned the piano when you couldn’t afford lessons. You succeeded, made people believe in you and showed them you were a fucking force to be reckoned with. Where did that Matt go?”
Matt wanted that. Wanted to fight so fucking bad because he wanted Oliver to be right about him. He wanted to be the kind of man Oliver respected and spoke about the way Oliver was speaking about him now. In some ways, Ollie was right. Matt hadn’t been the guy to take no for an answer before. He played when all the odds were against him, and he didn’t know how he’d lost that part of himself. But he wanted him back.
And damned if he didn’t want to be happy too.
CHAPTER TWELVE
They got back to the car and Matt surprised him when he said, “I don’t feel like going home yet.”
“Are you hungry?” Oliver’s mind was running. Davis and Tony were rambling in the back of his head and he couldn’t make them shut up. Not that he wanted to. Hell, he needed them to open up to him. This whole relationship thing was uncharted territory for Davis, who had always been a workaholic.
But then his stomach also felt like it wanted to eat itself, so he thought maybe putting some food into it was a good idea.
“That works. Can we go somewhere on Sunset?”
“At your service,” Oliver teased, causing Matt to chuckle before he began to make his way back down the hill. Every so often, he’d glance Matt’s way—see him look out the window as they drove through Los Angeles. It was loud and there was traffic and horns blaring. As crazy as it sounded, it comforted Oliver in a way. There was nothing more familiar to him than the city he’d lived in all his life.
“I miss it sometimes. The vibe here is completely different from New York. It took some getting used to in the beginning.”
“Did it?” Oliver asked, stopping at a red light. There were a few homeless people on the streets, teenagers walking, a full bus stop. He wondered how it felt to look at Los Angeles from the outside and imagined Matt feeling that way in New York. “You never said anything.”
“That’s because I was a stubborn eighteen-year-old kid who didn’t want to admit I’d gotten in over my head.”
The light changed and they began to move again, albeit slowly. “The stubbornness hasn’t changed.”
“Fuck off.”
“Defensive, are we?” This moment felt like it had when they ate the Lucky Charms last night. Jesus, had it only been a night? But Matt looked relaxed…comfortable, as though no time had passed between them. Maybe he really was going to let go and enjoy his time here before he went back to his life in New York City.
“You know me, right?” Matt asked, making them both laugh.
But then, Oliver, who never knew when to stop, asked, “What happened when you first moved to New York? The guy and stuff.”
Matt groaned. “Are you going to make me do this?”
“I’d like it if you would.”
He put his elbow next to the window. “What do you think? He was a guy I met online. He wanted a live-in, young fuck buddy. I was there three days before he made that obvious and when I didn’t want to suck his dick, I was out.”