Matt had recently learned to forgive himself; it was time his father did too.
“Dad…turn off the television, please,” Matt said. He watched as his father picked up the remote and did as Matt asked.
“You know…when I was little, I used to watch you get ready for work every day. You’d come home exhausted, dirty, but you always had a smile on your face. And you always went to work too—even when you were sick. Even when your back would hurt, and Mom would tell you to stay home. You went because it was important to you to do the best damn job you could do, to provide for your family. You never gave up. You never let anything get the best of you. You kept going and all I could think was…that’s the kind of man I want to be. I thought one day I’d be heading to the factory to work with you.”
Matt looked at his father’s hand on the arm of the chair and noticed it was shaking.
“I…” he started. “I didn’t know…”
“It’s true,” Matt told him. “But the older I got, the more I started to realize what I wanted. I fell in love with music and it was like I realized, yes. This is who I am. It was like I finally recognized myself. I craved music all the time. At first, it scared me because if I was a composer, I couldn’t be you. I looked up to you so damn much, but I thought if I could work half as hard at music—at doing something that I loved—as you’d always worked, then I would be okay. But the more I fell in love with music, the more things that I started to want in my life, the more I felt like I started to disappoint you.”
“What?” His father’s green eyes went wide. They were the same shade of green as Matt’s. “You don’t disappoint me, Matthew. How can you think that? Do you know how strong you are? You have always been true to who you are and what you want. Not everyone has the strength to do that. I’ve never been more proud of anyone than I am of you.”
Matt’s eyes started to blur, to fill with unshed tears. His father was proud of him? Respected him?
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” he asked. It was something he’d needed to know. Something that filled in some of his empty places hearing it now. “I needed to hear it.”
His dad wrung his shaking hands together. “Because I’m not good with stuff like that. I feel it in my chest, but I have trouble making the words come out. That’s not an excuse. I understand that but…I guess while you were worried you were disappointing me, I was worried about the same thing when it came to you. I never felt like the dad you deserved. I couldn’t give you the things you wanted. Hell, I didn’t even talk to you the way I should have. I always felt like I failed you…like I let you down, especially when I had to stop working. When I couldn’t pay to get you into the school you deserved or…”
And then his father looked down, and for the first time in Matt’s life, he saw him cry. His shoulders shook as he silently let the tears fall, and then it was his dad who stood. His dad who hobbled over and sat next to Matt. His dad who pulled Matt into a hug and held him so damn tightly, Matt struggled to breathe.
“You have nothing to feel bad about. I was so lucky to grow up with you as a role model. You showed me what hard work is. Dedication…and love.” His father had worked so hard because he loved his family. Because he wanted to take care of them.
“I love you, son. I’m so damn proud of you.”
“I love you too,” Matt told him, squeezing his father just as tightly as his dad hugged him.
When they pulled apart, they talked some more. When his mom got home, she joined in. They talked about anything and everything—more of how Matt had felt. About the surgery he’d almost decided against but said he wanted to hear how Matt felt about it first. His dad told Matt some of his favorite stories about Matt growing up, and they laughed.
They were going to be okay. They were going to be more than okay, and for the first time in Matt’s life, he saw himself in his dad, and he knew his dad saw himself in Matt too.
*
Oliver’s fingers moved rapidly across the keyboard.
He’d finished his last Davis novel about three weeks before, and then he’d been hit with a new idea so powerfully that he practically had to force himself away from his computer on a daily basis.