I pulled the burner phone from my backpack and texted him.
Cora: We need to talk.
He must’ve been between classes too, because he answered right away.
Jarrod: No, nothing outside of the ordinary. After practice.
Cora: Now. Please. I’m freaking out.
Jarrod: Meet me at the library.
I shoved the phone away. I knew this was stupid but I had to see him. I had to be sure that last night was real—and maybe he could tell me what the hell I was going to do from here on out.
I really didn’t know.
Jarrod was waiting in the lobby near the central elevators. He frowned at me and gestured with his head. I approached, but he turned his back and hit the call button. I hesitated, lingering a few feet away, and when the elevator came we got in together.
The doors slid shut.
He turned to me, a deep frown on his lips as he leaned close. “We shouldn’t be seen together like this.”
My hands were shaking. “I know. I’m sorry.”
He tilted my chin up. “Don’t apologize.”
I was about to say more, but the elevator reached the third floor and stopped. He got out and stalked off into the stacks. I had to hurry to keep up.
He wound his way through the shelves until we stepped into a small, secluded section. There was a single table near a large, rectangular window that overlooked the central quad. He walked to the window and looked out before turning back to me.
“Do you come here often?” I asked. “You don’t really seem like the library type.”
“Library’s quiet. I like quiet.” He came closer, his voice low and soft. “What’s going on?”
As I stared into his pretty eyes, I felt like my freak-out was totally silly. I didn’t know how to tell him that we achieved the one goal I’d wanted my entire life, and now I didn’t know what the hell to do with myself.
Not that it mattered. He wouldn’t care either way. That wasn’t his problem.
It was all mine, mine, mine.
“I woke up this morning and thought what happened was a dream. But it wasn’t, was it?”
“No, freak, it wasn’t a dream.”
“We did that. We—”
He closed the gap between us and pressed a hand over my mouth. His palm was warm and big. He leaned down and pressed his lips close to my ear like a lover.
“Don’t ever say it out loud where someone might hear. Do you understand?”
I nodded sheepishly. He removed his hand, but he remained close.
“I never thought it would happen,” I said in a rush before he could shut me up again. “I spent so long thinking and imagining, but I never wondered what I would do once it was over.”
“You can move on.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“What do you want me to do about it? I can’t help your existential crisis.”
That set off a pang of anger. “I’m not asking you to. I just thought—”
“What, that I’d listen?” His lips curled. “That I’d offer you advice?” His hands grabbed my hips and pulled me against him. I sucked in a breath and resisted the urge to scream.
He smelled like grass and aftershave. I struggled slightly, trying to pull back, but his grip was iron. His chest and muscular abdomen were like cut diamonds against my soft skin and I was flushed with desire, my cheeks pink and tingling, my lips swollen and parted.
“I hoped you wouldn’t be a dick at least.”
“Too bad, freak. I’m not the man you want me to be, but maybe I’m the man you need.” His smile was infuriating.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I can give you something to look forward to.” He leaned down again and for one heart-stopping instant, I thought he might kiss me. I felt irradiated, glowing bright with need, and that feeling contrasted with my anger and my disgust and my rage, all of it swirling around in the air.
This bastard thought he owned me. I saw it in his eyes.
And maybe he was right—maybe he did.
“I don’t want anything else from you.”
He tsked and cocked his head. “Come on, freak, it’s not about what you want anymore.” His fingers tightened on my hips. They were almost painful. “It’s about what I want and about what you owe.”
“I said you could have a night. If you’re ready to cash it in—”
“Not yet. Oh, we’re nowhere near ready for that.”
“You can’t string me along forever.”
“I can, freak. What are you going to do about it?” His laugh was maddening, because he was right, he was completely right, I couldn’t do a damn thing.
If he went down, then I went down.
Mutually assured destruction. That was the game I chose to play, and only now that it was over did I realize how dangerous my situation had become.
I wandered into the spider’s web and there was no way out.
“Either fuck me right here or let me go.” I stared into his eyes, mustering as much of that simmering anger as I could. I hated saying those words, but I needed to stand up to him or else he’d roll over me and keep on going until he had his fill.