He was quiet for a second. I didn’t know where we were driving until I noticed him make several lefts, and realized he was drifting around town without much of a destination at all.
“Calvin wants me to bring you to Addler’s party this weekend.”
I tugged at my hair then leaned toward him, batting my eyes. “And is that a big problem or something?”
“Calvin’s suspicious. He thinks we’re sleeping together.”
“He’s not totally wrong.”
“Doesn’t matter.” He grunted and slowed as he drifted along a quiet neighborhood street not far from my house. “The detective and now this shit. I was hoping we’d be able to skate by under the radar, but apparently not.”
“He’s your friend. Can’t you just tell him to back off?”
“Doesn’t work that way with him.”
“Then I’ll come to the party.”
“You don’t have to. I know that isn’t your scene.”
I shifted in my seat to glare at him. “And what do you think is my scene?”
“I don’t know. The movies. Art galleries. Shit like that.”
“You think I’m boring.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Oh my god, you really think I’m boring.” I stared at him in mock horror.
He sighed and shook his head. “Don’t make this hard. I’m only saying, come to the party if you want.”
“I’ll come, but you have to tell everyone that I’m there as your date.”
His knuckled turned white. “It doesn’t work that way.”
“Why not? Are you ashamed of me? You don’t seem very ashamed when you’re telling me how badly you want to take my virginity.” I didn’t know what I was thinking, teasing him like this, but I could tell this subject made him uncomfortable and I wanted to pay him back for all the time he spent making me squirm.
“You don’t understand. Calvin and the others, they don’t think I have emotions. They see me as some—” He stopped, tensing his jaw.
“They see you as a monster,” I supplied gently.
“Something like that, and you know they’re not wrong.”
“Which means you can’t change their minds by being nice to me?”
“It would ruin the illusion, and besides, we don’t want to get paired together. The stakes are too high.”
“Okay then. So I won’t come.”
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
I threw up my hands in frustration. “Just speak plainly, okay? What do you want?”
“Come to the party.” He glanced over. “But not as my date.”
“Then what am I?”
He was silent and I let the question linger.
There wasn’t an answer. I knew it was much as he did, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.
On the one hand, of course we weren’t together.
We were twisted up into a tangled, sick, fucked-up web of murder, sex, and deception—but we weren’t dating.
And on the other, some part of me wanted that.
Jarrod wasn’t so bad when he let his guard down.
When he wasn’t trying so hard to live up to everyone’s idea of him.
Since we started this, I caught glimpses of something underneath all that rage—someone caring and honest and brave. I respected that man and wanted more of him.
I also craved the way he made me feel.
But still, I couldn’t ask him to be my boyfriend. That felt so—
Childish and cheap.
What we did transcended labels.
We were bound together, whether or not we had a relationship.
After we finally fulfilled the deal and he took my body, he’d always be in my life, even if he wasn’t around anymore.
He marked me forever, just as I marked him.
So why did I still want these stupid, childish things?
“You’re my tutor,” he said softly after a long time. “You’re my freak and my baby girl. Your virginity is mine. You’re my toy. I want you so badly it feels like my blood’s going to tear through my cock. I want you on your knees, sucking me off, moaning as you do it. I want you riding me, coming over and over again. I want to see you sweat and work and I want to leave bruises all over your skin. I want to brand you, Cora. I want to own you. So what are we? I don’t fucking know, and I don’t really care.”
I leaned my head back against the seat and smiled. “All right then. I’ll see you at Addler’s place.”
He nodded once. “Good. Don’t tell Calvin anything.”
“I won’t.”
“He’s going to interrogate you.”
“He already warned me to stay away. How much worse can it be?”
But he only laughed and dropped me off back home.
I went inside with a sinking feeling in my gut. My dad was in the kitchen as I grabbed something to drink. He stared at me, eyes narrowed.
“Jarrod Hale?” he asked as I was about to leave and head upstairs.
I stopped in my tracks and looked back at him. “Yes? What about him?”
“The football player Jarrod Hale. The big guy.”
“Yes, Dad. That’s Jarrod Hale.”
“What are you doing spending time with him?”