Hold on to My Heart (Maine Sullivans)

“How long were you two together?”

“We were never really together. We went out for a little while in high school. The first time we had sex, that was it—I got knocked up. And just like the classic story, the father of my child fled and was completely out of the picture until two years ago, when he decided he wanted to play at being a dad after the diapers and all-night colic sessions were done.” Her cheeks colored. “I don’t know why I just told you all of that.”

“Believe me, I did far worse in high school,” he said, in the hopes that she wouldn’t regret sharing so much with him about her life. He’d loved hearing it and hoped she’d share more. “Heck, most of my late teens and early twenties were a mess. At least you never went to jail for anything you did.” He’d been to jail for so many things. Trespassing. Fights. Theft. Even, at one of his lowest points, drugs. He wondered if Ashley knew about his past. He felt like he would never be able to fully live it down and was certain that people were constantly judging him by his arrest record.

“You’re right that I never went to jail,” she replied, “although sometimes it felt like I was in a prison of sorts when my whole life changed so drastically. I freaked out when I realized I was pregnant. Then Josh doubly freaked out when I told him. I knew there was no way I wanted to be with him long-term, so we broke up. Amazingly, my parents were really great about it all. They didn’t shame me or make me feel bad.” She paused before confessing, “I know this is going to sound strange, but they were so nice about it that I almost felt like I needed to beat myself up for the mistake I made.”

When he was younger and getting into trouble over and over again, there hadn’t been anyone who had cared about him enough to sit him down and try to help him figure his shit out. Sure, his manager and his record label had continually stepped in to bail him out of jail and get his record expunged, but ultimately they had done it to protect their investment. Not because they loved him like family. It wasn’t until Nash woke up one day and realized he was sick of feeling sorry for himself—and thought about the many people out there who had it far worse than he ever had—that he’d finally stopped making such stupid decisions. That was also when he started giving money to charities, and schools, and families. Anonymously, of course.

“I know exactly what you mean,” Nash said. “Sometimes you just want someone to say, ‘You really screwed up, you shouldn’t have done that, and I hope you’ll make a better decision next time,’ so that you can say you’re sorry, promise you won’t make another mistake that bad, and move on with your life.”

Ashley looked stunned by his comments. “I don’t think anyone has ever understood how I feel until you.”

Nash had been given a million compliments over the years. He’d had people tell him he was a brilliant songwriter and that he was the best performer they’d ever seen. But no compliment had ever meant as much to him as hearing Ashley say she felt he understood her.

“What happened next?” he asked. “Did you stay in school and graduate? Or did you drop out?”

“I stayed, although I’m not going to lie to you and say it wasn’t hard. Because it was. So very hard.” She gave him a crooked half smile. “I had always been a good girl. I did my homework, studied for my tests, and made impressive plans for the future. After five minutes of god-awful sex, all of that was gone. My teachers were still nice to me, but I could tell they were looking at me differently. It felt like they had lost respect for me. All because I slept with someone I liked, but didn’t love, and ended up having a baby at a really young age.” She pushed her shoulders back. “But I survived.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Nash said, “but you are a lot tougher than you look.”

“You’re right,” she agreed, “I am pretty tough. Even if my brothers and father often seem to forget that fact. But you know what? I’m also one of the luckiest people in the world, because I have Kevin.” She smiled as she said, “I’m not saying it’s all sunshine and butterflies in our house, because sometimes I lose it and yell about the dirty clothes all over his room, or how he was supposed to do his homework before playing video games. But if I had it to do all over again, I’d do it exactly the same way. There’s no way I would want to live my life without my son in it.”