Hold on to My Heart (Maine Sullivans)

She didn’t plan on sleeping with her date tonight, however, no matter how great he was. Her spontaneous night of hot sex with Nash was something she doubted she’d ever repeat with anyone else. She wasn’t sure that she could withstand the emotional aftermath of another one-night stand. Not when saying good-bye to Nash had been one of the hardest things she’d ever done.

Thirty minutes later, she got into her car and headed toward the town of Trenton. She’d opted for a restaurant outside of Bar Harbor where it was less likely that she’d see someone she knew. The food was always good at the Italian restaurant they’d agreed on, so she knew she’d at least enjoy her meal.

As soon as she walked into the restaurant, she spotted her date standing at the end of the bar, a drink already in his hand. He was as handsome as he’d been in his picture. And his smile looked nice too. So why did she feel nothing inside?

He came over, a wide smile on his face. “Are you Ashley?” When she nodded, he said, “You’re beautiful. Even prettier than your picture online.”

It was a nice compliment, and she smiled back as she said, “Thank you.” But her heart felt like it was behind glass. Like nothing this guy did would be able to penetrate it, no matter how amazing.

“Our table’s ready,” he said, breaking into her thoughts. “Unless you’d like to have a drink first?”

She nearly said that they should go eat, simply to get through their date more quickly. But it wasn’t Oliver’s fault that he wasn’t Nash, so she said instead, “Why don’t we have a drink to get to know each other better before dinner?”

He looked pleased by her response and led her over to two empty barstools.

For the next thirty minutes, she learned about his career as a schoolteacher, where he’d been to school, and that he loved kids. She learned that he liked sports and music and was basically the perfect guy. He made her laugh a couple of times, and by the time they sat down to eat, she felt fairly relaxed.

The glass of wine had helped. She wouldn’t have another so she’d be okay to drive home, but it had taken the edge off. Unfortunately, it hadn’t gotten rid of that numb feeling. She still felt like she was watching her own date from a distance.

As they ate, she told him about where she’d grown up, what she did for a living, and a little bit about her family. Their conversation was perfectly pleasant, but they never dipped below the surface.

With Nash, by contrast, they’d both gone deep right away. She’d been simultaneously comfortable enough with him to spill the innermost contents of her heart, while also being breathlessly attracted and willing to shed her inhibitions.

After Oliver walked her out to her car after dinner, and she couldn’t quite bring herself to agree to a second date, she realized that Nash truly had ruined her for other men. If even this perfect guy couldn’t measure up to her one night with Nash, she was destined to be alone forever.

As she drove home, sadness finally broke through the numb barrier around her heart, spilling out as hot tears ran down her cheeks. Her life was great in so many ways, but she didn’t have the kind of love, the kind of passion, that Lola had with Duncan, that Rory had with Zara, that Cassie had with Flynn. The same love and passion her parents still had with each other after more than three decades.

Ashley so badly wanted that passion, that intimacy, that connection.

But would she ever find it with anyone other than Nash Hardwin? The one man she could never have beyond one perfect night in Vienna.

* * *

Ashley tossed and turned for most of the night, and when she woke up, she decided it was time to come clean with her sisters. She couldn’t go another day without telling somebody how she felt.

She sent a text asking if they could meet at Lola’s studio in a half hour. When their affirmative responses came back immediately, it already helped knowing that she could spill her guts to them. Surely, they’d have some suggestions on how she could move on from Nash with a lighter, more positive heart.

Lola and Cassie were already at the studio when Ashley arrived with doughnuts and coffee in hand. It was an unspoken rule that whoever called the morning meeting brought the treats.

She had barely walked inside the door when she told them, “I joined a dating site, and I went on a date last night.”

“Wow,” Cassie said, looking surprised but pleased. “This is huge news.”

“Why is this the first time you’re telling us this?” Lola wanted to know.

“I wanted to see how it went first.” Ashley let out a breath. “And also because I haven’t been totally honest with either of you about what happened in Vienna.”