Swallowing his declarations of love, he asked, “What’s wrong, Ash?”
She shook her head. “Not here. People might see us.”
He frowned. Why did it matter if people saw them together when they were just talking?
She gestured for him to follow her into Rory’s workspace. Her brother had already left for the day, so they had it to themselves. She made sure the doors were closed before she spoke again.
“I saw Josh today. I asked him to lunch so that I could lay down some new ground rules about his behavior with Kevin. But then…” She took a shaky breath. “He threatened to take Kevin away from me. To declare me an unfit mother.”
“What the hell?” Fury lit up inside of Nash. “On what grounds?”
She took off her sunglasses and lifted red-rimmed eyes to his. “You. He says he’ll tell the courts that I’m dating someone who’s been in prison. He says he’ll prove that you’re notorious for drinking and partying and doing drugs.”
“I was barely more than a teenager when I did all those things,” Nash protested. But he couldn’t be sure that a judge would care how old he’d been when he’d behaved so recklessly. Only that he had. Still, he had to tell Ash, “It’s just a bluff. There’s no way Josh would be able to prove this case.”
“Maybe,” she said, but doubt and fear were crystal clear in her voice.
“Ash, I never would have come here if I’d thought you or Kevin would end up being hurt.”
“It’s not your fault,” she said. “It’s mine. I knew better than to kiss you the way I did at the café. I knew better than to make love with you that afternoon, or again at the vista point. I knew better than to try to break out of my shell, even if just for a handful of days. I couldn’t help myself. But now I wish I had. Because if Josh were to succeed at taking Kevin away from me, I’d never forgive myself.”
Nash could easily hear what she hadn’t said. And I’ll never forgive you either.
He’d planned to tell her that he loved her. He’d hoped they could maybe even find a path to forever with each other, if they just looked hard enough for it.
Instead, he found himself saying, “Are you going to let Josh keep calling the shots forever? Are you going to keep letting him live his own life however he damn well pleases, while he makes the boundaries around your life tighter and smaller?”
She erupted. “You’re not a parent! You have no idea what it means to take care of someone! You have no idea what it takes to love someone! The sacrifices you have to make for people you love. All you know is running, leaving. Looking out for number one.”
She wasn’t saying anything that wasn’t true. Nash had never taken care of anyone but himself. He’d almost given in to the fantasy of taking care of her and Kevin. But now he saw that was all it had been—a fantasy. He was, and always would be, a tiger incapable of changing his stripes.
It didn’t matter that he loved her. He’d destroy both her life and Kevin’s if he refused to let them go.
“You’re right,” he said in a low voice. “Coming here was selfish of me. And if I stay, I’ll only make things harder for you and Kevin. I’ll leave immediately so Josh won’t have any more ammunition against you.” But then he remembered… “Flynn came by earlier and asked me to sing for your sister at the wedding. If you’ll give me his number before you go, I’ll let him know I won’t be able to do it after all.”
“He asked you to sing ‘Missing Piece,’ didn’t he?”
“He did.”
Ashley closed her eyes as though looking inward for strength. As soon as she reopened them, she said, “You have to sing at the wedding. Hearing you perform her favorite song just for her will be the gift of a lifetime for Cassie.”
“Are you sure?”
“I am. But afterward—”
“I’ll leave. And I won’t come back.” Then something occurred to him. “Kevin can’t work with me on the van anymore, can he?”
She shook her head. “No, he can’t.” Worried it would break her son’s heart, she thought fast. “I’ll find something to distract him so he’s not too upset. Maybe a day at a local amusement park tomorrow with his best friend.”
“He’ll like that,” Nash said.
She nodded, though they both could guess that Kevin was going to miss continuing their work on the van. Over the past several days, Nash had loved watching the boy’s growing confidence around the tools and the overall project.
Two fat tears rolled down her cheeks. “I wish things could have been different, Nash.”
“I do too.”
And then, though he knew it would only make things harder, he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out to hold her. He needed to feel the wonder of her in his arms one last time before he had to let her go.