While I throw shit out, her and Melanie are talking, crying, and laughing. I don’t listen to a word they say. My entire world has been rocked so hard I can hear blood flowing throughout my body.
I get to the piles of papers, and she says my name.
“Please don’t throw them away.”
“Tatum, there are dozens of piles.” I shake my head, not understanding what the hell would make her want to keep them.
“I’ll take care of them,” Melanie says.
I look down at the pile in my hands and see the top page has the words:
Breathe Again
by T. Longley
I flip the page to find a dedication.
Love is real.
I have been lucky enough to have breathed it in twice.
To Gregory and Angelo, who are both part of me now and forever.
To the readers, breathe freely and without regret.
T. Longley
Angelo, not Jonathon.
Real, not fiction.
My chest tightens as I look at her, needing to say something, but I am unable to, not now, maybe not ever.
“Okay.” I nod and hand her friend the stack of papers.
I love a woman who lives and breathes.
I love her and cursed her, with a part of me growing inside her beautiful body that I just fucked like an animal. I’m not sure I can ever forgive myself for either.
Chapter Thirty - Three
Saying goodbye to Melanie is hard for her and me both. It is hard for her to understand the way he is. She doesn’t trust him. I assure her that, besides my parents and her, there is no human being in the world I trust more. When she tries again to talk me out of leaving, I tell her that it is my wish for her to someday understand. She laughs, telling me it is my job to make that happen.
Pulling out of the city in Angelo’s old truck, I put my hands to the glass to touch the city that I love so dearly, and he notices.
“You love it here,” he says with a bite in his tone.
“I love you more,” I whisper my truth.
I look up at him to see his grip on the steering wheel tightens and his jaw muscles tense. He says nothing.
This is not going to be any easier for him than it is for me. Regardless, there is nowhere I would rather be than with him.
“If you hadn’t found that stick, what would have happened today?” I ask bravely.
He doesn’t answer, driving silently.
I lean back in the seat and sigh.
After several minutes, he says, “I—me, not Jonathan—came to fuck you, not Annie.”
“It was always you and me,” I whisper as I look down at my hands.
“Well, it is now,” he grumbles, and that sound wounds me.
I look down, gripping the edge of the hard, worn leather seat, and hear him sigh right before he reaches over and grabs my hand.
Neither of us says a word as he drives, one hand on the wheel, the other holding mine.
***
I open my eyes and see the florescent lights of a gas station outside the windshield. My head is against his arm, and he is staring straight ahead.
He brings the truck to a stop, throws it in first, and sets the parking brake before turning his head to look down at me. “Gonna gas up. Need to use the restroom?”
I sit up, feeling woozy.
“You okay?” he asks, trying to mask the terror in his eyes.
I nod and move over, sliding my head back under the seatbelt before unbuckling it. When I reach to open the door, he is already opening it. That alone makes me feel better about all that has transpired. A simple act of kindness, a gentleman-like gesture.
When I smile at him, he cocks his head to the side and asks, “What?”
“I’m not afraid of you,” I say the words I said to him months ago.
He lets out a slow, cleansing breath.
I hold my hand over my belly, telling him, “I haven’t had much time to think about this, but I’m not afraid of a baby, either.”
He shuts his eyes tightly as I swing my legs around and slide out of the seat to the ground. I feel a wave of nausea hit me again and lean over, hurling, barely missing his shoes and mine.
“Tatum.” His voice is panicked. “Dammit, tell me what to do.”
“We’re all right, Angelo. Everything is gonna be just fine,” I soothe him while trying to convince myself. It’s all so much to process in such a short amount of time.
“Life is about living, being, and experiencing. Tatum, live, be, and experience without reservation,” Gregory’s voice plays in my head like a silent blessing.
Angelo holds me close, and my nerves, the nausea, everything instantly calms, centers, and settles.
***
I wake up with my head on his lap when we pull up in front of the gym as the dawn is breaking. I look away from the window and back at him as he puts the truck in gear and turns it off.