The Call of the Desert

She frowned. “You said that it was your mother’s ring, which was to be given to the woman you married … I just assumed—”

He cut her off. “I gave Amira a different ring—one that she kept when we were divorced …” His mouth tightened, “I believe it fetched a nice price at auction in London a few months ago. Clearly her generous divorce settlement is fast running out.”

Julia was disconcerted, her anger fading. “Why didn’t you give your mother’s ring to her?”

Kaden looked at Julia, and those big grey eyes threatened him on so many levels. He shrugged nonchalantly, very aware that this was exposing him. He hadn’t giv

en the ring to Amira because it hadn’t felt right. And yet with Julia there’d been no hesitation.

“It didn’t suit her colouring. It meant nothing significant.”

Julia was stung. Well, she’d got her answer. He’d given it to her because it suited her colouring. The fact that she hungered so desperately for him mocked her, when she knew more certainly than ever that the only reason she was here at all was because of the heirs she carried. He couldn’t even bring himself to make love to her again.

Wanting to disguise how hurt and vulnerable that made her feel, she said, “How do I know that once I have these babies you won’t try to extricate yourself from me? You cast your first wife out just because she couldn’t give you an heir. Obviously you weren’t committed enough to pursue other options. Perhaps it’s just the heirs you care about? Maybe a wife is superfluous to your needs?”

Kaden’s mouth tightened with anger. “For your information, I did all I could to make my marriage work. Amira was the one who insisted on a divorce, because she knew she could never give me an heir. She wouldn’t even discuss options. And I’m still paying for ongoing treatment to get her over her phobia.”

Julia felt deflated when she thought of the fact that if his wife had been more amenable they might still be married. Cheeks flaming, she said, “I’m sorry. I had no right to assume I knew what had happened. It must have been … very painful.”

Kaden emitted a curt laugh. “I wasn’t in love with her, Julia. It was an arranged marriage.” His voice sounded surprisingly bitter. “She had the right lineage.”

Julia glanced at him, pushing down the lancing pain at this evidence of his cynicism. “And now you’ve got the heirs, but a wife with all the wrong lineage.”

He just looked at her with those black eyes, and for the first time Julia felt something rising up within her—something she couldn’t keep suppressing.

She fiddled with her napkin and avoided Kaden’s eye. “Speaking of lineage, there’s something you should probably know.” She rushed on before she could lose her nerve. “I’m adopted, Kaden. I was adopted at birth. I know who my birth mother is, but she doesn’t want to know me. For all I know she could even be dead by now.”

Julia was breathing fast, aghast that she’d just blurted out the stain on her soul like that.

Kaden said carefully, “Why did you never tell me this before?”

Julia shrugged minutely, still avoiding his eye. “I don’t talk about it—ever.”

“Why not? It’s not a bad thing. Plenty of people are adopted. I would have considered adoption myself if Amira had been open to the idea.”

Shock at Kaden’s easy acceptance made her look up. His eyes were dark, assessing. Not cold and judgemental. Julia felt as if she was being drawn into those eyes. His reaction was loosening something that had always felt tight inside her.

“From the day my parents told me I was adopted, when I turned thirteen, I always felt … less.” She grimaced. “My parents went out of their way to assure me they loved me, but to know that someone else had had you first … and let you go because they didn’t want you …” Even now Julia shivered.

“What about your father? You say your birth mother didn’t want to know you?”

“The records from the agency showed that my parents hadn’t been married. I found out that my father had emigrated to Australia almost immediately after my birth. He was too far away to trace, so I focused on my mother. I was too impatient to write, so not long before I came here to work on the dig I tracked down her phone number and called her …”

Julia smiled tremulously. “She knew exactly who I was. It was as if she’d been waiting for my call.” Her smile faded. “But then she just said, ‘Don’t call here again. I don’t want to have anything to do with you. I gave you up once and it’s done’.”

The pain in Julia’s heart was acute. She only realised she was crying silent tears when Kaden took her hand across the table, enveloping her in warmth.

“It sounds to me as if giving you up was an incredibly traumatic experience for her. Perhaps it’s something she simply couldn’t deal with.”

Julia brushed away the tears and attempted a smile. “I know … I saw a counsellor attached to the adoption agency before I contacted her, so I was warned about the reaction I might get. But somehow I’d hoped for the kind of thing you see in the movies—the great reunion. Stupid …”

Kaden was shaking his head, his hand tightening on hers. “Not stupid at all. It’s very human. I’m sorry, Julia … really sorry you went through that. I can’t imagine what it’s like to grow up not knowing where you’ve come from.”

Feeling very exposed and brittle at Kaden’s sensitivity, Julia pulled her hand back from his and put it on her belly, saying lightly, “At least these little ones won’t ever have to face that.”

Kaden was grim. “No, they won’t.”

The evidence of Kaden’s grimness made Julia’s emotions see-saw all over the place. She desperately wanted him to hold her … to make love to her and help her forget her pain which was far too close to the surface. But he hadn’t touched her in two weeks, and wasn’t likely to any time soon.