But how could she tell him? How could she be the one to stop him doing what he felt was right? After the horrors he’d seen, she couldn’t blame him. With her heart breaking into pieces inside her, she asked fatefully, ‘Even now you can’t trust for a moment?’
He shook his head. ‘I won’t put anyone through living with me only to hope for more…’ His voice was fierce. ‘I won’t do that to you, Jamilah. You deserve better than me. You deserve someone who can love you.’
Tears clogged her throat and burned behind her eyes. She turned her head away and choked out, ‘Leave me alone, Salman. I don’t want to see you any more.’
After a long moment of silence, she heard him get up and say heavily, ‘Nadim and Iseult are coming home tomorrow.’
Jamilah was silent. She couldn’t speak.
‘I’ll be leaving tomorrow evening…I have business to attend to.’
Emotion was rising within Jamilah, and s
he was afraid she’d crumble completely. ‘Go, Salman—just go.’
A deep sigh came, and then he said, ‘I’m sorry, Jamilah. For everything. I’ll have Lina come in to watch you…’
CHAPTER ELEVEN
SALMAN stood on Nadim’s terrace and looked down over Merkazad. This view didn’t threaten him any more. The emotions roused by the woman sleeping just a few suites away did.
He slammed a fist down on the stone balcony. He was a coward. He’d never felt more like a coward in his life. He wanted to go back into that room and seduce Jamilah until she was weak and pliant in his arms, until she admitted that she wanted him to stay, or until she said she’d go back to France with him.
But that was the one thing he couldn’t and shouldn’t do. He’d had countless moments to redeem what was left of his soul, and this was his last chance. He had to let Jamilah go, and never, ever pursue her again.
Even the thought of never seeing her again made him weak. But he stood tall and forced ice into his veins. Forced out all emotion. It was hard. It had been easy for so long to be unemotional, and now it was hard. He felt a flash of anger for the woman who had precipitated that painful thaw. But the anger dissolved just as quickly and was replaced by something much more poignant.
‘Are you sure you’re okay? Something about you is definitely different.’
Jamilah looked at her friend, and cursed the Irishwoman’s intuition. She felt herself grow hot under the narrowed amber gaze. Nadim and his wife Iseult had returned the previous day from their trip to Ireland. With their return, and the reality of a new royal baby arriving soon, the people who had been voicing discontent about Nadim’s foreign wife seemed to have put aside their concerns.
Jamilah muttered something incoherent, and felt awful that she couldn’t confide her secret. But at this stage—only scant days into her pregnancy—she was too superstitious after the last time. She felt vulnerable in the bed that she was still consigned to, wanting to escape Iseult’s probing, and then it got worse.
She heard her say casually, ‘Salman went home last night.’
‘Yes?’ Jamilah tried to sound as non-committal as possible. She’d feigned sleep when he’d come into her room late yesterday afternoon, but she’d felt the merest hint of a touch against her cheek, as if he’d trailed a finger down it, and it had taken all her resolve not to reach out and grab his hand and beg him not to go.
Iseult continued. ‘He’s been talking to Nadim about what happened to him as a child…I think they’re finally going to be okay. And Salman seems to be interested in helping him run things here on a more regular basis.’
Jamilah’s heart spasmed in her chest. If Salman was going to be a more regular visitor then surely that would have to be good news for his son or daughter? But the bittersweet prospect of it nearly made her want to double over with pain.
She forced a bright smile to her face. ‘I’m really glad for them. It was time Salman shared what happened. It was too big a burden.’
Iseult’s eyes narrowed even more. ‘So you knew, then?’
Jamilah flushed, and cursed her big mouth. ‘Yes… I… He told me.’
Iseult put out a hand. ‘Jamilah—’
Jamilah took it and squeezed, barely able to cling onto control. ‘Please, Iseult…not now. I’ll talk to you about it again. I’m quite tired, actually…’
Iseult just looked at her and finally nodded, hauling herself up with an effort out of the chair. ‘Okay. You know where I am.’ She smiled ruefully, then said with a pointed look to her belly, ‘I won’t be going anywhere fast.’
Jamilah appreciated the attempt at humour, and gave her friend a quick tight smile. She watched as she left the room and then lay back, staring at the ceiling, wondering if she’d ever feel whole again.
A week later it was early evening, and Jamilah was back at the stables and hobbling around with a crutch to aid her. She didn’t hear the Jeep come to a halt behind her, but she happened to look up and see Abdul’s face in the far corner of the stableyard. His eyes had grown huge.
Jamilah frowned. ‘Abdul…?’ She turned to follow his gaze. When she did, she had to hang onto her crutch with two hands.