Caine flushed angrily. He turned away. He walked quickly back to the door. But he stopped before touching the handle.
“The lights are off in Perdido Beach because you took orders,” Diana said.
“Who was it that buried that thing in its mine shaft?” Caine demanded, his voice ragged.
“You.”
“Yeah,” Caine said. “And saved Sam in the process.”
“Yes. And soon after that we became cannibals.”
“We have food now,” Caine said. “Lots of food.”
He walked back to Diana, reached to touch her, but this time she walked away. She stood at the window. The false moon was setting. It dabbed the distant hilltops with silver.
“It was too much,” Diana said, almost to herself. “Everything else I could kind of accept. The violence. The battles. What we did to Andrew and what you did to Chunk. And all the rest. I mean, it all sort of left a bruise on me, you know?”
Caine did not answer.
“Inside. In my heart. In my soul.” She laughed at herself. “Diana Ladris’s soul. Right.”
“It was a low point,” Caine admitted.
“You think?” Diana snapped, looking over her shoulder at him with a trace of her usual mockery. “Eating human flesh, that was a low point?”
“We had no—”
“Oh, shut up,” Diana said. She turned away from the window. There were tears in her eyes and she hadn’t wanted him to see. The last thing she wanted was to seem weak.
But he did see now. The shock on his face almost made her laugh again.
“All my life I’ve been a tough girl,” Diana said. “I was cool with that. People would say, Diana’s a bitch. Diana’s a slut. Diana’s mean. All that I could deal with because I guess it was basically true. Now they’re going to look at me and say, Diana’s a cannibal? How do I live with that?” She was shouting suddenly.
“Who are these people you’re worried about? Penny? Bug?”
“What if we get out? People! People!” She hesitated. “And God.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “And my kids. Someday.”
“Kids?” Caine’s look of confusion and consternation finally did force a laugh from Diana.
“Yes. Someday. Could happen. That’s right: the day may come when I have a baby. Maybe even more than one.”
Caine said, “Um . . .” He made a vague gesture with his hands. He made several attempts to say something. None were successful.
“Do you love me?” Diana asked.
Caine’s eyes widened. She could actually see him twitch. Like a startled animal. Like a rabbit who had just heard a fox.
“It’s a yes or no question,” Diana said acidly. “But I’ll accept a nod or a shake of the head or an incoherent grunt.”
“I . . . I don’t know what you mean by that,” Caine said lamely.
“When I jumped off the cliff, you saved me even though it meant letting Sanjit and the others escape.”
“You didn’t give me much choice,” Caine said peevishly. “You had a choice. You wanted to destroy them.”
“Okay.”
“Why did you make that choice?”