There was a list in his head, a list that kept scrolling and scrolling. Words and phrases. One after another. Each representing a thing he should be doing.
Zekes. Caine and the power plant. Little Pete and his monsters. Food. Zil and Hunter. Lana and…whatever. Water. Jack. Albert.
Those were the headlines. Buzzing around those great big things were thousands of smaller things, like a nest of hornets. Kids fighting. Dogs and cats. Broken windows. Grass. Gasoline that needed to be rationed. Trash piling up. Toilets plugged. Teeth needing to be brushed. Kids drinking. Bedtimes. Mary throwing up. Cigarettes and pot.
Things to do. Decisions to make.
No one listening.
And what about Astrid?
And what about Quinn?
And what about kids talking more openly about stepping off when the Big One-Five rolled around?
And around and around and around it whirled through his head.
He sat in the dark on the end of his bed. He wanted to cry. That’s what he wanted to do. But there wouldn’t be anyone to come and pat him on the shoulder and tell him everything would be okay.
There was no one. And things wouldn’t be okay.
It was all coming apart.
He imagined himself facing a tribunal. Stone faces glaring at him. Accusations. You let them starve, Sam. You let normals turn against freaks.
Tell us about the death of E.Z., Mr. Temple.
Tell us what you did to save the kids at the power plant.
Tell us how you failed to find a way out of the FAYZ.
Tell us why, when the FAYZ wall came down, we found kids dead in the dark.
They were down to eating rats, Mr. Temple.
We have evidence of cannibalism.
Explain that to us, Mr. Temple.
Sam heard soft footsteps in the family room. Of course. There was one person who would know where he was hiding.
The bedroom door opened with a squeak. A flashlight found his face. He closed his eyes to block the light.
The flashlight snapped off. Without a word she came and sat beside him.
For the longest time neither of them spoke. They sat side by side. Her leg was against his.
“I’m feeling sorry for myself,” he said at last.
“Why?”
It took him a few beats to realize she was kidding. She knew the list in his head as well as he did.
“Whatever vitally important thing you came here to tell me?” he said. “Just don’t, okay? I’m sure it’s absolutely life or death. But just don’t.”
He could sense her hesitation. With sinking heart he realized he had guessed correctly. There was some new crisis. Some new thing that absolutely demanded Sam Temple’s attention, his decisiveness, his leadership.
He didn’t care.