“Who says I’m afraid?” he snaps.
“Everyone is afraid, Strand.”
He snorts derisively
. “Everyone but you, Rio. Look at you. What would your mother have to say about that wicked knife? Have you sent them a copy of your citation? You charged a squad of Wehrmacht by yourself!” His voice rises toward shrill. “You blew up my old plane and saved the Norden bombsight and came near to being blown up yourself. My God, Rio, you’ve become the very model for all the rabble-rousers who support this whole crazy notion!”
“Crazy notion?” The strange thing is that as she speaks those two words, she recognizes the silky menace in her tone. It’s pure Mackie, her sergeant during basic training. If things were not so tense she might laugh at the comparison. Mackie could terrify a recruit just by the way she walked.
“Yes!” Strand says. “Yes! I’ll say it: crazy notion. Just because you’ve become a good soldier does not mean that it makes any sense for women to be in this war!”
“You have women pilots, women air crew. I saw a rather pretty redhead . . .”
“Sally? At least she would have the sense to go home if the opportunity came up. She agrees with me, with, well, everyone really. Women are meant to be the gentler sex. That’s the grand design. Women aren’t meant to . . . to . . .”
“Kill Germans?” The same Mackie menace.
“My God, Rio, listen to yourself. You positively sound as if you are threatening me!”
Rio jumps to her feet. “You’re shouting at me, Strand.”
His look is cold. His hands remain clasped, squeezing to stop the trembling. “You’ve made me a laughingstock. Fellows ask me when we’re married whether I’ll be doing the cooking and cleaning.”
When we are married?
“I don’t recall agreeing to marry you. For that matter, I don’t recall you asking.”
He frowns, puzzled. “It’s understood, surely? You gave yourself to me, did you think I wouldn’t do the right thing?”
“So . . . you would marry me from a sense of obligation? Duty?”
“No, no, of course I didn’t mean that.” He retreats quickly, but the resentment still comes through. “I love you. Of course, I love you. I just sometimes wish . . .” He hangs his head. “I just wish sometimes you were still the sweet, innocent young beauty I gave a ride to in my uncle’s old Jenny.”
“That was a long time ago,” Rio says. Her voice gentles at the memory. Strand’s uncle had a Jenny, a Curtiss JN-4 biplane he used as a crop duster. Strand had already known how to fly, and he took her up over Gedwell Falls in what was the most thrilling moment of her life. Up till then.
She had squeezed into a single cockpit with Strand, leaning back against him, feeling for the first time what a man’s body felt like.
She wouldn’t, couldn’t lie to herself: many times she had wished she was back there, back then, being that version of herself. It wasn’t her lost virginal naiveté that made her nostalgic, but rather the feeling that she had changed so much there was no longer any going back. The male soldiers would return home someday and would be seen as more than they had been, stronger, braver. But the women? No one knew how women who had been to war would be received.
Strand pictured her in an apron. So had she, once. And who knew, maybe she would see herself that way again.
Mrs. Strand Braxton?
Mommy?
Baking cupcakes for the PTA fund-raiser? Wearing a nice summer dress to church? Excusing herself from men’s conversation after dinner to go to the parlor with the other ladies to talk about hairstyles and movie stars and brag about little Strand Jr.’s A-plus in algebra?
That had been her mother’s life, a life that had once been inevitable but now felt very, very far away.
But even as she drifts toward those melancholy thoughts, a part of her mind is elsewhere, wondering if she could transfer Rudy J. Chester out of her squad; wondering if Lupé was as tough as she acted; wondering whether Geer is working them hard in her absence.
The silence stretches on too long.
“I guess we won’t figure out what’s what until it’s all over,” she says.
Strand snorts derisively. “There probably won’t be an after, Rio. The Old Man says the Luftwaffe isn’t what it used to be, but just about every mission a bird goes down. It’s a matter of mathematics. Every mission . . . a Kraut fighter, ack-ack, mechanical breakdowns . . .”
“You can’t think about that,” Rio says. “You just have to focus on your objective.” She very nearly pronounces it OB-jective, the way Sergeant Cole always did.