He didn’t want to tell her—he’d never spoken of it, although Zander had tried, on occasion, to acknowledge the sacrifice he’d made. Yet Seke felt compelled. Leora had to know why he could not take her. A strong and beautiful female like her never should feel rejected or betrayed.
“As Master at Arms, I was sworn to protect the king, the royal bloodline. When the Finn attacked, it was a coordinated hit from all sides of the planet. I was able to extract Zander, but there was no time to find my family. I asked one of my guards to get them out.” He couldn’t finish it—not the rest. The guilt and sorrow rising up nearly swallowed him.
As if she was willing to take on the pain he’d held at bay for so long, her beautiful green eyes swam with tears. It ripped open the wound he’d thought long closed. Pressure built behind his eyes and nose.
She touched his forearm. “I’m sorry you had to make that choice.” Her lips trembled so sweetly.
He was glad she hadn’t said he’d made the right choice, or the wrong choice. Hadn’t told him he’d done the honorable thing. Or that the survival of his species and, hopefully, one day, recovery of their planet were more important than saving his family. All the things he’d been telling himself for the past twenty solar cycles.
He pushed her back up against the wall and leaned down to rest his forehead against hers. His fingertips brushed down her cheek. “If things were different, Leora…”
She turned away from him and, this time, nothing he could say or do sheltered her from the rejection. She heard it, understood him. And protected her heart.
Veck!
He didn’t want her closed off from him. Didn’t want to agonize now over how he’d betrayed her, in addition to his family. Vecking Zander shouldn’t have put him in this position.
But no. He should have played it differently. Should have remained impersonal with his mastery of her. Won her respect with pain and consistency alone. Except he knew that was an impossibility.
He eased back and let her go. When she glanced over her shoulder, waiting for him to lead, he wanted to drop to his knees and weep. How could he have won her allegiance, bonded with her, and yet not keep her?
“Would you like to see Lamira?” His words came out sounding forced, throat still clogged with unchecked grief.
The startled joy on her face worsened the ache in his chest. “Yes, please.” Her soft voice held no stiffness or rancor.
He dropped an arm around her waist and guided her in the direction of Zander’s chamber. The prince normally worked from his chamber, but he’d been away from it almost constantly since they returned to the pod. Staying away from Lamira, no doubt.
Zander may not approve of this visit, but Leora deserved it, and Lamira probably needed a friend to talk to, as well.
He tapped on the door first, knowing their holograms would be projected into the room to let Lamira know they were there. He doubted she could open the door herself, though, so he pressed his palm to the panel by the door for the scan. As Master at Arms, his handprint worked everywhere in the palatial pod, even on Zander’s door.
Lamira flew at her mother the moment the door opened. “Mother,” she breathed, wrapping her arms around Leora’s neck. When she drew away, she fingered the collar, her eyebrows drawing together.
Something in his solar plexus tightened. He didn’t want to see the accusation on Lamira’s face when she realized he’d been the one to punish and train Leora.
She turned to him, her face tight. Her beauty struck him even more, now that he’d memorized every line of Leora’s perfect bone structure. Lamira’s was the same, only she was younger and pregnant, so she radiated vitality, too. Even so, she didn’t hold a candle to Leora. His Leora.
“What does the obedience training entail?” Her voice came as little more than a whisper, and she worked to swallow as she watched him.
He found he didn’t want to answer. Every answer he could think of would degrade Leora. Because he had degraded Leora. Still, what happened between them had been behind closed doors. No one else, save Zander, need know. Instinctively, he moved to place a protective hand on her shoulder, as if he might shield her pride.
Lamira’s expression softened, though, and he wondered if she’d “read” something with her psychic ability. “Of course you’d take care with my mother,” she murmured. “Thank you.”
Her acceptance, her thanks, made something uncomfortable slither in his belly. He didn’t deserve her gratitude, and yet, the fact she’d offered it felt like forgiveness, of a sort. His throat constricted. Unable to speak, he bowed deeply and stepped backward, out the open door. “I’ll come back for you, Leora,” he managed to say.
She curtsied. “Thank you, master.”
Thankfully, the door swished closed before she saw his surp
rise. She’d called him master easily, without hesitation. And in front of her daughter. Had he truly won her allegiance? Her bond? Her…
No.
Love had nothing to do with this. Or anything else.
~.~
Leora looked into her daughter’s wide-set green eyes, wondering what she knew.