He shouldn’t have punished her. It certainly wasn’t her fault he’d broken his vow.
She’d never asked to be brought into his chamber, stripped, and given intimate punishments that drove them both mad with desire. Just because she’d wanted satisfaction as badly as he, didn’t make her the culprit.
“Tell me about your other masters,” he said. He’d voice-commanded the lights off, so they lay in darkness, her small body nested into his larger one, her scent filling him, surrounding him. He didn’t want to admit how right it felt to hold her. Post-coitally.
He didn’t even want to think about the implications of his actions. Couldn’t think of them. How would he face himself the following planet rotation, knowing he’d sacrificed all his honor for a rough veck with a human female?
A veck that had been out of this galaxy. Better than any he’d had with Becka, his one true mate. Why was that?
He didn’t want to think about that, either.
So he questioned his little slave, who had stiffened.
“What do you mean?”
“Daneth found you on an agrifarm. Who was your master there?”
“We didn’t have one master. There were guards and directors. We were lucky because they mostly left us alone if we did our work.”
“And if you didn’t?” He didn’t know why he needed to know all this. It was like picking a scab—a morbid fascination with what hurt him most—the idea of some other being in charge of his little human.
“Mostly they used shock-sticks for punishments. Occasionally there was flogging, usually on the bare back.” Her voice took on a hollow, empty quality that made him want to take back his questions.
“I’m sorry.” He stroked a hand down her arm. “What I really want to know…” His sword hand itched. “Give me names—anyone who hurt you. Ever. I will avenge you.”
She gave a short bark of surprised laughter and turned in his arms. Her human eyes didn’t see in the dark as well as his, and she searched for his face with her hand. Her fingertips found his cheek, and she traced the line of his jaw. “The return of my daughter was all I ever longed for.”
“You will see her soon.” He covered her hand with his, pressing her smooth palm against his cheek. “I’m sorry to have kept her from you, even for a few planet rotations.”
Pain flitted across her face, and regret washed over him.
“What if she...doesn’t like us?”
He pulled her fingers toward his mouth and kissed them. “How could she not like you? You’re her mother, who never stopped longing for her.”
“She’s so different from us. What if she resents that her life was worse than ours? What if she blames me for not protecting her?”
He pulled her hand to his heart. How he wished he’d let them reunite when Rok had asked. That these worries had remained, even a few extra planet rotations, slayed him. “Stop. You cannot think that. She didn’t want to come immediately because her place is with Rok. That doesn’t mean she harbors ill will toward you.” Leora nodded and snuggled in against his chest. The action touched him. His fragile little human—so trusting, despite his rough treatment.
He pulled her tight against him and buried his face in her hair.
“Do you forgive me, Seke?”
Something lurched and caught in his solar plexus. The tangled bundle of guilt he’d been trying to keep at bay. “You, yes. It’s myself I can’t forgive.”
Chapter Six
Seke dragged his body from the sleepdisk. He’d never felt so heavy in his life. Grief over breaking his vow to Becka brought back the guilt of her death, as strongly as if it had just happened.
He wasn’t sure if the fact that vecking Leora had been the most satisfying experience of his life made it better or worse.
Worse. Because knowing that having her had been better than Becka—more satisfying on every level—not just the physical one—only increased his guilt.
Worse—because he didn’t know how to keep it from happening again. How to get her out of his mind and heart. How to save himself from the crushing shame.
It was early—still dark on Ocretia—but Zandians didn’t require as much sleep as humans. He stepped into the washtube to clean up then dressed and left the chamber. Stars knew if he stayed, he’d be waking Leora up to round four. Just sleeping next to her had been torture, even with the many orgasms he’d had.
Somehow she both satisfied him and left him craving more. He’d hoped giving in this one time would get her out of his system, but it seemed that was impossible. He needed her again. In every position. All vecking planet rotation.