I’d normally not talk about this, but for some reason, the words just come out. “I don’t hate them.”
“But you don’t want… one.” She tenses up the slightest bit. “For a mate. I just want to know why.”
“It’s a private reason.” I take a breath. She says nothing, and I continue. “I made a promise a long time ago, and I will not break it. A sacred vow to my father.”
“To avoid humans?” She lifts her head up. “Did you even have them on Zandia when you were young?”
I shake my head. “Not like now, no, but we were aware that Zandians could successfully mate with other species. The Finn were in the initial attack stages and we’d lost many warriors. My father had a gift…” I break off.
She touches my hand, saying so much with the simple gesture.
I look away. “I merely…” How can I say that I still miss him in a way that sends jagged daggers through my chest? Zandians are stronger than that. “He was one of the finest warriors Zandia has ever seen, Kianna.” I struggle for the words to describe his power. “He could fight like ten others.”
“Wow.” She weaves her fingers between mine.
“And I was like him, when I was young.” Now this part is something I don’t often talk about, not to anyone, not even my friends. “Then I was injured, and was no longer able to train.”
“I had no idea. You were injured?” She hovers over me, blinking. “Where? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” She touches my shoulder. Bites my lip.
I snort. “Not there.” I grab her hand and place it over my chest. “Here.”
She presses into my pecs. “But you don’t have scars.”
“Inside.” My heart begins to race and I concentrate to still it. “I breathed poisonous gas. The Finn unleashed it into a school, hoping to kill young Zandians. They did kill many, but I survived. My lungs were scarred, badly. I almost died. By the time I recovered, I’d already matured past the point where I’d need to really engage in training. It was too late for me to reach my full potential. And my lungs were no longer at peak capacity.”
“So you became an engineer? There’s honor in that, Mykl. The warriors could never do what they do without you as their base.” She touches my chest again, softly, her fingertips like silk.
I pull away. “I know that. It doesn’t make it easier to bear.”
“But I don’t understand about humans, though. Because, Mykl, humans are so compassionate and thoughtful. Surely a human’s emotional support could help you—”
“My father made me promise him that I’d mate a Zandian female who had genes that matched mine in power and lineage, so that our fighting skills could be passed on to the young.”
“Oh.” Her voice is suddenly flat.
“That I’d wait for her, as long as I needed to wait. Because that would be my duty to Zandia. I would honor my planet and my king by passing on the gift I cannot use, to a being who can.”
Of course my father could not have known when he exacted that promise that Zandian females would be nearly wiped out of existence. Only a handful remain, and those of breeding age are already mated.
She rolls away from me. “I see.”
“And Zandians don’t break promises.” I sit up.
“I understand.” She grabs for her pants.
I dress too. “So, Kianna, that is why nothing can happen with me and y… any human.” I shrug. “I just can’t. I’m waiting for my destiny.”
She nods, head ducked down, hair flowing over her face. I hear her sniff and my chest constricts.
Normally sniveling drives me mad, but I feel the curious inclination to comfort her.
I fight the feeling and pull away. “Please behave from now on. At work.” It’s a cruel thing to say after what just happened. But I don’t know how to handle this.
She puts her face into her hands.
Veck, I’m a monster for doing it, but I walk away.
I can’t be here with her, because if I stay any longer, I’m going to take her back into my arms and get carried away—to a place I can never go.