Zandian Lights (Zandian Brides 4)

She tilts her head. “Do you know what I’ve wanted my entire life?”

Startled, I open my mouth. Hell, I never even asked. Never considered her thoughts on the matter. “What?”

She stands up. “To be free, for one. To be here, on Zandia.” She waves a hand. “I dreamed of it every night, Mykl. Every planet rotation. It was the only thought in my head. Everything I endured, each planet rotation longer, was so I could be here.” She glares at me, fierce.

“And now you are here.”

“And now that I’m here”—her voice falters—“I’m lost.” She stops talking and turns her back to me. “And what is being offered to me is not what I need.”

“Perhaps…” I don’t know how to talk of these things. “Once you are here longer, you will learn to enjoy your situation.”

She looks at me again. “Other beings speak of true happiness. Joy. Love. Do you think…” she whispers the next thing, her large eyes darkening, “I could ever have that, too? With you?”

I look away because my lungs hurt, for some reason. My mind races. “I don’t know.”

“Don’t you want that for yourself?” She touches a branch on a nearby tree.

My answer is immediate. “I have my promise to keep. Fulfilling that will make me happy.”

She lets out a humorless laugh. “Many promises end up being chains that can choke a being instead of saving him.”

“What does that mean?” I growl, but I’m not mad at her. I’m just frustrated. And curious. For all the hours we’ve spent together, this is the most real, meaningful conversation we’ve exchanged. It’s like I’m finally getting to know her, the real her. Not just a random Zandian female, but her.

“A chain of pain that hurts not just you, but many others.”

I think immediately of Kianna. Arc and Bow. Hektor. And this female in front of me.

“Do you prefer Hektor?” I hold back my breath. The strange thing is, I hope that her answer will be yes. “Do you wish to mate him instead of me?”

“I want time to decide.” She looks at me. “But yes, I think I do.”

The elation makes me giddy and my head spins. But the promises…

“How do you know? You barely know Hektor. What is it that makes you know… he’s the one?” I lean forward, intent on her face. As if her reply will help me understand something about myself.

“When I first saw you, I felt immense gratitude and relief. I knew I could trust you. But when I saw him?” A little smiles spreads across her face. “It was like a thunderbolt, Mykl. Like my empty chest was ripped open and filled back up with something beautiful.” Her smile broadens. “And he felt it too. I sensed it.”

“So that was it? You just… knew? Like that?”

She nods. “I didn’t know such a thing was possible. But yes, exactly like that.”

“We don’t have that with each other, you and I.” I’ve known it for some time now. Still, saying it terrifies me. Because it means that my carefully planned out life is going to deviate in a way I can’t predict.

“Hektor has been visiting me in the sick bay.” She clears her throat.

“Behind my back?” Despite the fact that I want her to choose Hektor, it still rankles that I’m not in charge of this situation.

She rubs her lips together. “Hektor would be willing to share me. I understand that is the way now—many males mated to a single female. Are you willing to share?”

My lip curls before I can stop it. Sharing a female would be impossible for me. I can barely stand other beings in general. Living with more than one? Having to negotiate and yield to other males? Never.

If I were honorable, I would offer to share her. Especially since she clearly prefers Hektor. But her interest in Hektor feels like an out. Maybe a sign, not that I believe in signs.

She lets me off without answering. “Hektor said that on the way to get me, you did something miraculous. You steered the craft through the most difficult band of light asteroids that exist—all manually—and only because your human Kianna helped you focus.”

My human. Kianna.

My face grows warm. “He should not have spoken of that.”