“Well,” I find myself speaking before I know what I’m saying. “This is the only reason I’m asking. On the ship, it’s just that I was really interested in the nav equipment. It’s just… fascinating. So powerful. I love it, in fact. Maybe that, I mean, I could study that?”
“Flight navigation?” She sounds surprised.
I’m as surprised as she is. I’m angry at Tarek for not telling me about Enya. I want to rip his purple horns off. So, the fact that I’m actually asking to work with him? I don’t know why I said it. But the minute the words are out, I know it’s what I want right now.
“Ah, yes. It’s been a secret passion of mine for solar cycles,” I lie. “I’ve just, you know, been so interested in it.”
“And do you have experience in it at all?” She tilts her head. Frowns.
“Uh, no, but whenever I was on a ship, even if I was totally petrified of where I was being taken, I couldn’t help but look at the consoles and think, wow, I’d like to do that some planet rotation. If I were, ah, free to choose.” I try to look serious. And innocent. And like I’ve been on a hundred ships. Which I haven’t.
“Hmmm. I see.” She nods. Taps her comm.
I warm to my topic. “Better than cleaning. It would really help me focus and adapt if I get the chance.”
“Well, they do have a slot open for a nav trainee. But…” she trails off. “You need to have so many pre-reqs to even train. I mean, flight training, combat readiness. Advanced ciphering. Map reading. Programming. Space maps, asteroid belt practice. Just to start.”
“I want to learn it.” I cut her off. “I’m willing to work hard.”
She looks uncertain. “I can talk to the commander and see what he says? But, and don’t take this the wrong way, he’s going to say no. There are lots of flight crew vying for that position. They’re already expert fighters.”
I swallow. “Got it.”
“But it’s the first thing you’ve shown interest in, and that’s great, Zina. Just great! So, let’s just talk to the commander anyway. At least it gets you interacting with Zandians, and it will lead to more options and choices. Maybe he can suggest some more appropriate options for you.”
“Thank you.” I smile at her. “That’s perfect.”
“We can head over there right now, to the flight dome.” She points. “Just ten minutes that way.”
“It’s okay that we just… walk around town? Unaccompanied? Do we need to register our destination with the masters, or…” I trail off, feeling stupid.
Abbi touches my arm. “Zina, so long as we check in with Mistress Kaal, we can go anywhere.” Mistress Kaal is the elderly Zandian female dorm mother who is responsible for the humans in our dormitory.
“I keep thinking I need to check in for duty.” I rub the barcode on the back of my neck. “To remind Enya to hide her hair and her face, and tell her how to keep her eyes down. And not to walk too fast. And…”
A new feeling surges through me, and it takes a while to recognize it for what it is. “Oh, Mother Earth. Is this what it feels like to be free?”
It’s awful
to be without Enya. Yet without the need to constantly keep her safe, I can focus on myself for the first time in my life.
I drop my arms and then stretch them out, tentatively, then with more confidence. “I can do this if I want?” I check Abbi’s face, then twirl. “And this!” I burst into laughter. “I can do this!” I spin around and around. “Abbi, this is…”
Whump. I connect with a solid hunk of something. “Ooof.”
Strong hands grab me, a grip at once powerful but not painful. “Watch yourself, little human.”
My bod pulses with adrenaline. It’s him. Tarek! I’d recognize that voice anywhere. And his touch… it’s like electricity on my bare arms.
He notices it’s me at once, too. Even though he can’t see me. “Zina.” His voice is hoarse. “You’re out here?” He turns to Abbi. Back to me. “You’re well?”
“As well as can be, considering they took Enya from me.”
He hasn’t let go of me yet, and I don’t mind. I like it. He slides his hands down my arms to my own hands, and clasps them lightly. Lowers his voice. “I’ve been wondering about you.”
“You could have found me if you wanted.” I step closer. So inappropriate, but I can’t resist. Curse internally at the plaintive, needy tone in my voice. “But you didn’t.”
“I was on duty.” His voice gets cooler and he lets go of my hands. Steps back, like he just remembered I’m made of hot lava or something toxic.