She sits across the room from me, looking out the large, curved glass window at the city below. Dressed in a flowing Zandian gown, her short hair sleek and styled, she’s the most gorgeous creature I’ve ever seen.
And she hates me.
Since we were reunited, she’s been distant and withdrawn. Sullen. I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this angry little person who treats me like a stranger.
“Are you in pain?” I’m constantly checking on her. Wanting to do something, anything for her.
“No.” Her voice is cool and distant. She doesn’t turn around.
“Are you sure?”
She doesn’t answer, just crosses her arms and stares through the glass, like she wants to melt it with her eyes.
I was the one who insisted that we be given uninterrupted time to bond. That it would be far better for Zina to adapt on her own, while Enya was given time with me. She’s my daughter! I’ve been waiting for this moment for solar cycles.
But after our first amazing hug, where we both laughed and cried and embraced for what felt like hours, she’s withdrawn. Won’t interact with me.
“Are you hungry?” I bustle around the nutrition station, my fingers shaking a little as I collect my ripest fruit and put it onto a silver tray. “I saved you the best ones…”
“No.” Her voice is low and she wipes her eye.
“You haven’t really eaten since you arrived.” I look, helpless, at her slender frame. My tone is pleading. “I just want you to heal.”
“I’m fine.”
“Daneth, my—the doctor, says you need sustenance.” I bring the tray closer and edge it up to her elbow.
“The doctor has no idea what I need,” she snaps. She hits the tray with her arm, sending the plump grapes tumbling to the floor, where they roll on the shiny marble surface.
I gasp and flinch, and something in me breaks. “Neither do I,” I whisper, putting a hand to my face. “This isn’t what I expected.”
She looks at me then, her expression unreadable. I don’t know this being. She’s mine and not mine.
“What is it you need?” I can barely get the words out. My heart breaks inside my chest.
“Maybe instead of keeping me enslaved here, locked up in the palace while you all decide what I do and where I go and who I talk to, why don’t you actually ask me what I want?” She stands up, her tone strident. “I was brought here and then you took me away from my only family. Nobody has even let me talk to Zina except once by holo.” Tears run down her face. “And of course I want to be here with you, I do, but I also… forget it.” She glares at me, but through her anger, I see it. She’s as confused as I am. Probably more so.
“Tell me.”
“All you care about is yourself and your new young.” She blurts the words and crosses her arms, her face anguished.
“That’s not true.” I swear my heart is tearing apart at her words. “Please. I really am sorry.”
“What?” She turns her head. I think I hear hope in her voice. “What are you sorry about?”
I wipe my eye. “I’m sorry I didn’t get to be your mother for so many solar cycles. I’m sorry I couldn’t stop them from taking you all those solar cycles ago. I’m sorry that we were born humans into a galaxy where we’re considered the lowest, most expendable species. I’m sorry you haven’t gotten to see your… friend.” My lips twist as I say it. “Zina. I know you… love her.”
Her lips quiver. “I didn’t mean to love Zina more than you! But you were gone. I never thought I’d see you again. And she’s the only mother I ever knew.” She sobs, her shoulders shaking. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know!” She looks up at me, anguished. “I still need her.”
I go to her without hesitation and gather her up. She’s so different from my halfling toddler; bonier, taller. Her face has angles and her eyes have pain and wariness. But she’s mine, my flesh and blood, my own girl.
“We’ll make this work,” I whisper, as I rock her. She leans into me, relaxing maybe for the first time since she arrived. “I love you. I never stopped loving you. If you want… Zina”—I force myself to say her name—“then I’ll let you be with her. It’s all right.”
It’s not all right. I need my daughter to want me. To love me. But there’s no other option.
“I want you too. I mean, I want to want you.” She shudders. “I’m so broken. This will never get fixed.” Her whole body shakes. “I can’t handle this!”
And suddenly I’m her mother again, just like that. I know I can right this for her, too. It’s my job.