Claimed by the Zandian (Zandian Brides 6)
Page 50
“I wasn’t trying to hurt you.” She touches my arm, her voice pleading.
“I know that. She’s an amazing girl. So strong. So brave. Did she tell you about our escape? She was the only reason I’m here.” I take Enya’s hand. “She saved my life, too.”
Enya smiles, proud. Shy. I can tell she wants to impress her mother.
“Did you tell your mother about it?” I touch her shoulder.
Enya shakes her head. “Um, no. We haven’t talked much.” She darts her eyes up at her mom. Does she feel guilty about something? She has her “I messed up” face.
“You’ll be so impressed, Bayla. She’s fierce.” My voice shakes, as much from the memories of the past as the uncertainty of the future.
Enya looks at the ground and twists her toe.
“May I talk to you alone for a minute?” Bayla touches my arm.
“Yes, Enya, if you don’t mind?”
The girl nods.
Bayla leads me a few feet away and lowers her voice. “I want to explain. When she came back, it was everything I wanted. And I was grateful to you for being her mother in my absence. But also, I was angry and jealous, because you’d replaced me.”
Even as she talks, making eye contact with me, she keeps looking away to check on Enya. The girl is tracing a pattern on the ground with her shoe, but I’m pretty sure she’s listening intently as we speak. I know her habits, and this is one of them. She’s an expert listener-in. She could always sidle up to groups of humans or Ocretions, unobtrusive, and listen to all kinds of gossip and information. But I don’t care. At least this time she’s hearing people talk about how much they love her.
I grab Bayla’s hand. “I promise, she thought of you every planet rotation. It was her dream to be with you again.”
Bayla’s eyes fill up. “It’s harder than I thought.”
I take a breath. “I was very angry at you. But now I’m not.”
“No?” She searches my face.
“I was a slave for so long, and a caretaker. Now I have the freedom to choose what I want. And I don’t know what I want. Taking care of Enya and the other young was not easy, but it was a known thing.” I take a breath. “I missed her and was mad that you kept me away. But part of my anger was… because I was scared. Of my future. Of the decisions I need to make alone, as an independent being.”
She nods. “I see.”
“I never knew my mother.” My voice is low. “But I hope she loved me once as much as you love Enya.”
“I know she did.” Bayla touches my face. “Every mother loves her young.”
“I never had a sister, either.” I hesitate. “Perhaps here, Enya could be like
my sister.” I tense up a little, awaiting her answer.
“I would like that.” Bayla’s voice quivers.
“Me too.” Enya is by my side now, leaning in to me.
She didn’t give us privacy, of course. She heard the whole thing. I knew it!
“Sisters would get to do fun things together.” Her voice is hopeful. “Like maybe never have to do exercises in a field and cut our hair with a rock.” She smiles a little. “Like maybe we could just go see the river or the crystals and not have to talk about avoiding Ocretions.” Her voice trembles through her smile, like she’s afraid to even ask for these things. “Maybe we could just… exist.”
My heart breaks. “Oh, sweetling, that would be perfect. Yes.”
She takes my hand and examines it. “Look, the cuts are healed. Mine too.” She wipes her eyes. “Maybe now that we live here they’ll stay this way.” She wiggles her fingers up in front of her face.
I laugh. “Maybe we’ll decorate our fingernails with that shiny star powder that seems to be so popular here.”
Somehow, we’re all relaxed now. It’s like the second all three of us stood side by side, the puzzle pieces turned and locked into place, the right place. I used to be the replacement mom, and I did the best I could. Now that Enya’s with her real mother, all three of us are free to be who we were meant to be.