Prologue
Mandy ~ Six months ago
I couldn’t believe it. Not again. Seventeen years after I stood in this same cemetery and said goodbye to my parents, I was here again, this time to bury my brother. My hero. Everyone called him Ammo because he loved guns, even as a kid. But he was just Mikey to me, and he’d been taken from me, thanks to another pointless war, far too soon. I didn’t even know how I’d survive without him. If I’d survive without him. He’d been my mom and dad, my best friend and my protector. He was my everything. And now, he was fucking gone.
Life was so unfair, a fact I knew all too well, but today I just wanted to rail about it to anyone who’d listen. But Ammo was in the ground, which meant there wasn’t anyone who’d listen, much less give a damn, so I kept my grief hidden behind a pair of knock-off Chanel sunglasses I’d picked up from a street vendor in the garment district. Not that there was anyone here to share my grief with anyway. Ammo had spent most of his adult life in the Army, so many of his friends were either dead or still in the fucking desert. The rest of them, his motorcycle club buddies, the Reckless Bastards, hadn’t been given an invitation.
Except for one, anyway.
I didn’t have anything against the Reckless Bastards; I didn’t know them and honestly, I didn’t care to. The last thing I needed was more reminders of all the family I’d lost. This third plot, that slowly filled with dirt and had yet another date of death engraved on the dark headstone, was all the reminder I needed. I was alone in the world. Not even thirty and on my own.
It wasn’t the first time. When Ammo first joined the Army, I was a teenager left on my own. It’d taken some getting used to since my brother had always been there to make sure there was food in the fridge for me to cook and cleaning products so I could take care of the house while he was off with his ‘club.’ But Ammo had forgotten some of the details and after a few months there was no more money. Then no lights, no water and eventually, no food. I found my resolve and a fake I.D. They both helped me find a way to make it work until I finished high school and decided on my future.
Leaving Las Vegas had been liberating, and as much as I’d missed it, being back to bury my brother wasn’t exactly the homecoming I’d envisioned. Luckily, I wasn’t here to stay.
I sighed as the cemetery workers shoveled dirt over Ammo’s body, no longer able to hold my tears inside. They slid silently down my cheeks, the most energy I could dedicate to crying, because I hadn’t sobbed since I’d stood here years before, when Mom and Dad were lowered into the ground.
I couldn’t imagine a world where I couldn’t pick up the phone to call my brother or send him a silly care package full of his favorite blondies and old action figures that his Army buddies would tease him about. I couldn’t call for advice or receive a middle of the night phone call on my birthday. With a hand over my chest so I could feel the cool metal of his dog tags against my skin, I bent and picked up a handful of dirt, sprinkling it on top of the smooth pine casket. “Goodbye, Mikey. I love you.”
On shaky legs, I walked through the cemetery and back to where my rental car waited for me.
“Excuse me!”
I knew that voice; I’d heard it a few times when Ammo was between tours. I stood taller and turned to the vaguely familiar voice. “Yes?”
“Is there, uhm … is there anything I can do for you?” He seemed nervous which was out of character for the cocky, boisterous man I remembered, but then again death had a way of making even the toughest person crumble.
I shook my head because the only thing I wanted was to have my brother back. “No but thank you.”
“Are you sure? Maybe you want some help clearing up Ammo’s things?”
I laughed at his uneasy demeanor. The Savior I knew was never nervous. Everything about the man had always screamed confidence. “I’m not here about his possessions.” If there was one person on the planet who might know Ammo better than me, it was Savior.
He blinked, staring hard as though he was trying to place me. Figure me out. “How about a drink then, to toast one of the best men I knew?”
“I have a bottle of Irish whiskey at his house, if you want a glass.”
“You’re staying at his house?” he asked, his voice filled with surprise. “He never said anything about having a woman.”
I could have corrected him, but it kind of stung that he didn’t remember me when he’d left such an indelible mark on my memory. I was no longer the same little girl with lopsided blonde pigtails and skinned knees. I’d chopped off my hair and dyed it, so I had a white-blonde pixie thing going on. It was perfect for spending long hours in a hot kitchen, and it was easy to maintain. But I didn’t look all that different. “Since he doesn’t have one, I’m not surprised.”
He laughed and flashed a charming smile that was concealed by a thick, brown beard that gave him a rakish air. “Okay, then, whoever you are. I’m Savior.”
I smiled politely. “Nice to meet you.” Again. “So, that drink?”
“I’ll meet you there. I know the place well.”
I smiled and slid into the rental, wondering what his reaction would be when he finally realized who I was. His best friend’s kid sister.
***
“Shit. Fuck. Shit, shit, fuck … goddammit!”
I woke up to the sound of a deep, angry and totally male voice, grunting curse words into the early morning air. It took a moment to fully wake up and realize who and what was happening, but when I did, I groaned. “Keep it down.”
“You should have fucking told me,” the angry male said.
Wide awake
now, I sat up with no thoughts about modesty even as his blue eyes tracked down to my chest. “Told you what, exactly?”
His look turned dark and not in the sexy way he’d devoured me last night before we got naked and then got lost in our collective grief. “That you’re Ammo’s fucking sister!”
Now angry, I stood and fisted my hands on my hips. “How in the hell would I know you didn’t recognize me? Do you make a habit of fucking people you barely know?” I held up a hand because I really did not want to know the answer to that. “I don’t care. It’s done, and we can’t change it, but if you have that much of a problem with it, you should leave.”
He spluttered, outraged and obviously feeling guilty. It was displayed all over his handsome, angry face. Too bad for him I didn’t give a flying fuck about his guilt.
“You’re Ammo’s kid sister.”
“Yeah and he’s dead so it doesn’t matter!” That reminder had tears pricking behind my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. I couldn’t. If I started crying now, I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to stop and that was something I couldn’t afford to do. I had to be strong. Well, stronger. I was on my own now. There was no soft place to land, no parachute to guide me down and no fallback plan. So, I pushed down those tears and stared him down. “I want you to leave.”
He stared for so long I thought he might refuse, but I should have known better. Savior had ‘love ’em and leave ’em’ written all over his face. “I’m sorry, Mandy. I shouldn’t have let that happen. It was a mistake.”
“Got it,” I told him and wrapped my arms around my waist. I wouldn’t let him see how his words gutted me. Nothing like the sting of cold hard rejection to soothe the ache of loss, right? “Then leaving, right now, shouldn’t be a problem.”
He nodded and stepped into his jeans, because apparently that was appropriate funeral attire for the Reckless Bastards. “Do you need anything?”
“Only for you to leave.”
“But -”
I shook my head. “Just leave.” There was nothing else to say and even if there was, I had no interest in talking to him. I had one day to get what was left in my childhood home packed up and ready for the realtor to put it on the market, before heading back to New York to finish up my pastry apprenticeship. I had six weeks to go, and then I would return to Vegas and start working at Knead, the best damn place for pastries in the whole state.
And pretend the last twenty-four hours never happened.
Chapter 1
Mandy
It’s been months since I made the move back to Las Vegas, but it still felt surreal being here. No matter where I went, the supermarket, the hairdresser, the park, I expected to see Ammo’s loose-legged walk and dimpled smile coming my way, a smart retort on the tip of his tongue. But working at Knead kept me busy, which I needed in order to keep me from succumbing to the darkness that always seemed to hover around the edges of my life. Right now, my life was boring and completely predictable and I knew that sounded terrible, but to me it was perfect.