She nodded, her eyes filled with fear and uncertainty. I knew what it was about. Krissy was used to me like I used to be, scared, lonely and desperate for a connection. But she’d been the one to cure me of those useless emotions. In New York, I hardened my heart against the world, but it hadn’t been fully turned to stone until I got the visit at school from a man and a woman in Army dress uniforms telling me my last family member had been killed in action.
Action. They said it like it was a fucking football game or a white water rafting adventure, not fucking war. So yeah, I wasn’t afraid. Of anything. Not anymore.
“Just because I got it,” Krissy called as I backed away from her, “doesn’t mean they will.”
“You can all give it your best shot,” I told her, not taking my eyes off her until her back was to me. I was pretty sure the guys from the parking lot were part of some type of gang, but no one bullied me. Not anymore.
“Mandy!”
I turned and gave her a cool stare, waiting for her next words.
“If you don’t do this, I’m in deep shit.”
“Then maybe you should have tried to talk to me instead of threatening me or sending your goons after me. Because honestly, I don’t give a shit about you or your problems.”
I didn’t miss the tears shining in her eyes; they did nothing for me. I didn’t soften at the sight of tears, which were probably for show anyway. Her emotions, hell, most people’s emotions didn’t impact me at all these days, and that was just how I liked it.
***
After burying Ammo something in me had died and I knew it — felt it — but I didn’t want to do anything about it. I’d isolated myself from everyone, and after the funeral and Savior, my transformation was complete. For a few brief minutes in the afterglow of spectacular sex, I felt a tiny bubble of relief. But his reaction had not only ruined the moment, his regret reminded me why I’d spent the past few years keeping my distance from the world. Aside from too brief and too infrequent talks to Ammo and obligatory outings with my classmates and professors in culinary school, I kept to myself.
It was better that way. And I reminded myself of that fact as I took the short drive back to my apartment, staring at the bleak, square building where I lived. There was nothing wrong with it, aside from being old and ugly. It was affordable and that was what mattered. I was all about pinching pennies these days. The money from the sale of the house plus Ammo’s life insurance and death gratuity from the military was adding to my nice little nest egg that I would use to open my own restaurant one day. Or, based on the past few weeks, start a new life somewhere else.
Savior was waiting for me after I emptied out my car and reached my apartment, leanin
g against the railing expectantly, but I walked right past him like I didn’t see him. I was in no mood for another confrontation. Not today. I entered my apartment and locked the door behind me, scanning the small room to see if anything had been disturbed. The truth was, Krissy and her friends had me a little paranoid. And after the shit that had gone down with Teddy a few weeks ago, I wasn’t taking my safety for granted. Luckily nothing had been disturbed this time, so I relaxed.
Until a loud knock startled me out of my thoughts. I knew who it was and debated, for a least a moment, ignoring the knock. But Savior was a stubborn fucker and he wouldn’t go away, so I pulled the door open just enough to look at his handsome, arrogant face.
“What?”
He took a step forward but my grip tightened on the doorknob and I planted my foot firmly behind the door. If he wanted to, he could get in, but he’d have to use some force because I wouldn’t let him in. Not again.
“Let me in, Mandy.”
“No. Tell me what you want or go away. Those are your options.”
We stared at each other for several long, tense moments before he let out a long, frustrated breath.
“I just want to clear the air.”
Of course he did. For some reason he was determined to hang onto some misguided sense of loyalty to my brother where I was concerned.
“I don’t need any air cleared, Savior. You don’t owe me a damn thing.”
“I disagree. Your brother—”
“—is dead. He’s never coming back and you coming around here won’t change that fact. He was dead when you fucked me and regretted it, so again, don’t worry about me.”
He stared at me like he didn’t recognize me, and why should he? He’d never known me as anything more than an energetic little girl completely enamored with her big brother.
“I’m sorry,” he grunted out. “And if we could just talk —”
“Apparently you have a hearing problem,” I told him, my voice hard and cold before I slammed the door in his face and locked it, letting out a long, shuddery breath. I needed time to myself, to decompress after what had started off as a pretty decent day. Until it was just about over.
I washed off the day and whipped up a quick veggie sub for dinner, curled up on the sofa and watched TV until I fell asleep and the TV watched me.
I woke up the next day, ready to do it all over again.