“I don’t need to know why,” she said, but she didn’t stop me.
“I owe you that much,” I told her because it was true. This wasn’t the first time I let Mandy down and my neglect was still impacting her life today, so yeah, I owed her the truth. I just let it rip.
“I have asshole blood in my genes. Dear old dad was long gone before I could even form a memory of his ass, though when Mom got drunk and high, which was all the time, she never passed up an opportunity to tell me just how much I reminded her of him. Then she’d shoot up or snort or smoke a little more until she passed out, sometimes she’d overdose right in front of me.”
It was more than sometimes but the truth is that very rarely is the whole truth necessary.
“Holy shit,” she sighed, because what else was there to say to something like that? “That’s fucked up.”
“Yeah, believe me, I know. I barely survived that shit.” I let out a long sigh and kicked off my boots, feeling fuzzy and uncomfortable and drunk as fuck. “So now you know. That’s my dirty little secret.”
I could feel the weight of those green eyes on me and I looked up to see the concern and frustration etched on her face. She shook her head and disappeared into her tiny kitchen, returning with a glass of icy cold water.
“Drink this,” she commanded.
After shoving the glass in my hand, she dropped down on the sofa beside me and curled into the other side.
“Thank you for telling me, Savior, but really you don’t need to. You don’t owe me an explanation and certainly not your whole history.”
“I wanted you to know.”
“Why?”
That was the fucking question, wasn’t it?
Why?
Why did I leave the air-conditioned car with my club brothers, go get drunk at some pub on the main drag and take a cab to Mandy’s apartment? No fucking clue.
“Because Cross called me a coward.” I told her all about my conversation earlier with the club president. “Why did he have to bring that shit up?” It came out as more of a whine than I wanted it to.
She sat quietly, contemplating her words before she spoke. “Probably to kick your ass into action? Just because your friend Gunnar had a good mother, doesn’t make the loss the same. Moms are special, even the shitty moms leave a mark.”
“Yours wasn’t a shitty mom,” I insisted like a pouting child.
“No, not as far as I remember. But she’s been gone more of my life than she was around, so I don’t have much of an opinion when it comes to the subject.”
She didn’t sound like it but I didn’t want to push. As Cross proved earlier, mothers were a touchy subject. She asked gently, “Why are you all out of sorts over any of this, anyway?”
I shrugged. “Fuck if I know.” And that was the kicker. I really had no damn clue what had brought on this bad mood.
She threw her hands up and rolled her eyes. “Well I’m glad I woke up for this. Totally worth the lack of sleep,” she grumbled and stood, staring down at me with kind eyes that didn’t match the bite in her words.
“Stay here tonight, sleep off the booze. I can take you to your car in the morning but I have to be up and gone early, Savior. Early.”
I nodded and stood on shaky legs, bouncing off the walls as I made my way to her bedroom and dropped down onto the bed. “Fuck, I’m hammered.”
“Clearly. Delusional, too, if you think you’re sleeping in here,” she told me as she came inside and climbed on what was obviously her side of the bed based on the rumpled bedding and dented pillow.
“Come on, Pixie. We’ve already fucked each other inside out and tonight I really am just trying to sleep.”
I didn’t wait for her to respond. I couldn’t. I’d be knocked out in the next few minutes so I stripped down to my underwear and slid beneath the sheets beside her.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m getting comfy,” I told her, curling my body around hers so her back was flush with my front. “You’re so warm and soft, a sexy little pillow I wish I wasn’t too drunk to fuck.”
Her husky laugh sounded, vibrating back and forth between our bodies. “Thank God for small favors, then.”