Deliciously Damaged (Reckless Bastards MC 3)

“You’re right,” he finally admitted, looking as deflated as the rest of us old timers who knew Ammo and his loss and the little girl in his care. It was why he’d joined the military and the Reckless Bastards. All for her. “What do you want to do, Savior?”

I smiled. “What I’d like to do is kill those motherfuckers who did this to her, but I’d settle for a beat down.”

“Or we could give those assholes something else to worry about.” Jag’s bright white smile shone like the goddamn sun when he was being devious. “Nothing illegal, just some shit guaranteed to fuck up their week. Make them focus on something other than our Mandy.”

I gave Jag a short nod. He was one of a fucking kind, embracing Mandy like she was already part of the Reckless Bastards, because she was.

“Thanks, man. We need to hit them hard and let them know why without starting a goddamn war.”

Then Stitch butted in. “I heard they got a new shipment of girls and stashed them all at a house in the ‘burbs.” Stitch, always a good time guy, didn’t have his usual smile and I knew he was as pissed as the rest of us even if he didn’t know Ammo.

I leaned forward, eager for more information. “Where’d you hear that?”

He grinned. “One of the blue hairs who comes into the dispensary told me her neighbors just brought a bunch of scrawny girls who all looked Russian to the old Victorian on her block.” He pulled his phone from his pocket and slid it to me. “She gave me the address of the house and the cross street. Said if something was done about it, she’d bake us some of her snickerdoodles with pot in ‘em.” Stitch leaned back and sneered with that grin of his. “Sounded like a good idea, but your thing is more urgent.”

We brainstormed ideas for more than an hour before Cross ended the meeting. “I need to think about this for a minute. Church tomorrow at noon. Be there,” he said and we all dispersed.

I had one more thing I needed to do before I went back to the hospital, back to Mandy. Despite what she’d said, I would be there by her side until she could stand on her own again. Maybe longer if she stopped being so damn stubborn.

Max rested a hand on my shoulder and fell in step beside me. “Hey man, you okay?”

“Fucking peachy, man.”

“Don’t do something stupid right now.”

I glared but he only glared back, stoic bastard that he was.

“Believe me,” he said in that soft and easy voice you use when you’re worried about a friend. “I’d be right beside you, busting up flesh if I thought it was the right move. But right now Mandy is defenseless and she knows you better than any of us. She needs you.”

I brushed off his concern with a quick, “The last thing she needs is me, trust me on that.” For some reason his advice got under my skin and didn’t do anything to ease the guilt eating away my gut. Maybe logically he was right but it didn’t work for me right now. What I needed to do was focus on getting those Roadkill assholes for what they did.

“You sound like a dumbass,” Max said with all the affection of a grumpy older brother. “You are exactly what she needs. Are you really so blind you can’t see it?”

“See what?” I snapped. “That if I’d kept my promise to Ammo all those fucking years ago, she wouldn’t be in this fucked up mess right now? I see that loud and clear. Trust me on that one.”

“I do trust you, Savior. With my life, but you need to trust me on this. I nearly lost Jana because my head was so far up my ass.”

“That was PTSD,” I huffed out angrily. “Not exactly the same thing.”

We’d reached the parking lot. Max laughed and hopped on his bike, parked beside mine. “Wrong, it’s exactly the same fucking thing, man. You think your life, your childhood and your time in the military didn’t leave its mark? If so, you’re dumber than you look.”

“Fuck you, I look good as shit.”

“Whatever you need to tell yourself, Savior.” He started his bike and adjusted his helmet. I didn’t even bother watching him ride off. There was one more brother I had to see.

The winding road curved left and right between big, lush trees that somehow managed to remain a vibrant green in the desert. I parked my bike and found the spot I was looking for. It looked different than I thought it would, but I don’t know what I was expecting since visiting cemeteries wasn’t how I spent my free time. But Ammo had been here for too damn long and my visit was long overdue.

I squatted down in front of his shiny black headstone. “Hey man. Sorry I haven’t been back since your funeral but life, ya know?” I felt like a jackass talking to him like this, but I needed to do it. “I’m sorry, man. So fucking sorry that I didn’t look out for Mandy the way I should have. I could make excuses, blame it on being young and dumb, but it would be nothing but a fucking excuse.”

I knew by then I had a lot more to say to him, a lot more to think about. I slid down onto my ass and got more comfortable, like I was just talking to an old friend. I let him down and by extension, Mandy. And to make me an even bigger asshole, I slept with her. More than once. I wasn’t sure how I could explain all that, but I had to try.

“She’s been through some shit man, a lot of shit. More than someone her age should, but she turned out amazing. Tough and beautiful, strong and brave, and she doesn’t even know how damn special she is. It’s a nice change from your gigantic fucking ego.” I laughed. Actually laughed in a cemetery. Where my best friend would rest forever.

I didn’t know how long I sat there in the grass, my arms resting on my knees, talking to Ammo. Laughing with him and catching up on the Reckless Bastards. “Golden Boy is finally out of prison, scot free and engaged to a model if you can believe it. Max had a beach wedding in San Diego, and it was nicer than it sounds.”

I told him about Gunnar’s mom dying, Cross drinking tea, Golden Boy’s tattoo parlor and even the shit going down with those Roadkill fuckers. “I’m doing my best, man. I won’t let her or you down again.”

I sat in the cemetery just watching all the different flowers as they blew in the wind, all of them left lovingly by friends and family of the dead. I didn’t even know if my mom was alive or dead, hell my deadbeat dad either. They could both be still roaming this earth or rotting inside it and I wouldn’t know either way because they didn’t matter to me. They weren’t my family. Ammo was my family and I’d treated him no better than my own mother, putting my needs first, consequences be damned.