“Shit, I’m sorry, Allison.”
“It’s fine.” I dabbed my napkin at my eyes and then dropped it back into my lap and finally met his gaze again. They were deep and I could see little concerned lines creeping in at the corners as he stared at me. “I’m tough. I’ll be just fine.”
Neither of us seemed to know what to say. The waiter came by and dropped off several plates of the appetizers. Cooper thanked him and automatically dished up a plate and set it in front of me. I grabbed my fork and picked at the food, not able to bring myself to actually take a bite. A few minutes of silence passed, the low buzz of the restaurant filling up the background, but not a word or sound exchanged between the two of us. I wracked my brain, trying to find some smooth segue that would get us back to where we were but everything I turned over in my head would sound stupid or hollow if I were to let myself speak it out loud. The fact that I didn’t even know what I wanted was only complicating things further. Did I want to explain myself, unpack all the horrible things that had happened to me in my past life? But what would be the point of that? I didn’t want him to pity me and I wasn’t dating him, so he really didn’t need to know. But it felt like a bottle of wine that already had the cork popped. It felt weird to just leave it like that. I wracked my brain, trying to find a bridge back to a safer topic of conversation, but couldn’t find anything to get me started.
So I sat, playing with the food presented in front of me, not saying anything.
“I was engaged,” Cooper confessed out of the silence that had settled between us.
“What?” My eyes flew up to his.
“Yeah, her name was Kayla. We were college sweethearts, back before all this.” He cast a gaze around the restaurant. “Anyway, we got engaged when I was still in grad school. But we never got married.”
“Why not?” I asked, my eyes glued to him.
“She got into an accident a month before the wedding. The doctors kept her on life support for a while, but there wasn’t anything...There wasn’t anything I—uhm—could do to bring her back.” He stopped to clear his throat. “That was four years ago.”
“I’m so sorry. God, that’s awful.” I placed my hand over the top of him, holding back my tears.
“After Kayla died--I don’t know, I got lost for a while. About a year later, my father passed and I didn’t have time to grieve anymore, for either of them, because I had to take over the company. I couldn’t let it fall apart, so that meant I had to keep it all together.”
“Cooper, I had no idea,” I whispered.
He smiled at me, but it was a sad smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “You mean in all you’re stalking, you didn’t bother to Google me? I’m sure all this is right there on my Wiki page.”
I appreciated his attempt to lighten the mood but my heart was in a twisted ball and I couldn’t even force a smile.
He waved off his own comment. “I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad for me— I just wanted you to know. I don’t let those tragedies define me, but they are a part of who I am, for better or worse.”
“Wow. Thank you. It really does mean a lot that you would share your life with me.” My heart warmed with sympathy and something deeper as I thought about what he’d just shared with me. I had never seen him so vulnerable and soft. I squeezed his hand and brushed the back with my fingertips as I withdrew my hand from his.
“In the years since their deaths, I’ve done a lot of good, but I will admit that I’ve also done some things I’m not proud of, as well” He dropped his eyes to the tabletop, as if embarrassed by his confession. “But I never mean for anyone to get hurt and I’m sorry if my behavior has hurt you in any way.”
I was speechless. I wanted to rush forward with some all-encompassing blanket statement that forgave him for everything and that I would open my heart and give him another chance. But I couldn’t untangle my thoughts from my emotions and didn’t trust myself to speak. Cooper’s eyes searched mine, sweeping back and forth from his place across the table. I couldn’t stop the racing pace of my heart as it thumped against my chest or the tremble of my legs as they bobbed anxiously under the table, and I couldn’t help the swept-up, overwhelming desire to let myself fall.
Suddenly, a bolt of anxiety swept over me, and snapped me back. “Sooo…let me ask you this. What was your intention the other day when you kicked me out of your house and stopped answering my calls? That was a pretty douchey thing to do. How do you expect me to trust you, when you pull shit like that on me?”
To his credit, he didn’t back away from the conversation. His eyes darkened and, at first, I expected him to lash back with anger. “I had a meeting. It was non-negotiable for me to be there. As for your calls, Allison, I’m a very busy man. My phone rings from sun up to sun down, and most days, well into the night. I wasn’t avoiding you.”
I wanted to ask about the late night visit to the
actress, but realized that if I opened that box, it would require a lot of explaining. Not to mention that the way I had found his location was unethical—and, quite possibly, illegal.
I nodded, choosing to accept his explanation. “So, I guess we’re both a couple of hopeless basket cases, huh?” I asked, desperate to lighten the mood. I dropped my eyes, and started to pick casually at my meal. I couldn’t handle the feelings that he was stirring in me.
He laughed. “Well, I try not to use the word hopeless, but yes. Safe to say, we’re both pretty fucked up.”
I laughed and it came out like a snort as I had just taken a sip of my wine. I dabbed my smile with the cloth napkin before raising my eyes back to Cooper, wanting to share in the amusement.
“In the name of full disclosure, I have to admit I did have ulterior motives when I asked you to come to dinner with me tonight.”
My eyes widened and my heart started to race, wondering what bomb he was about to drop on me now.
“I want you to come and work for me. For Brighton Enterprises.”
“What?” I set my fork down. “Work for you?”
“Don’t act so surprised. I’ve offered you the job before, you just weren’t willing to take it.”