“What’s it like being a mom?” Santana asked Sadie.
“It’s a marathon, not a race,” Sadie muttered. “It’s nonstop from the second they come out of you. You know, my mum had three of us to deal with, and she never even looked like she was stressed or sweating. Me, I’ve got one, and I swear it feels like I never stop.”
Her face went soft, and then she added, “But it’s an amazing adventure. Every day brings something new, and seeing Elijah with her… What woman doesn’t feel herself melting when she sees a hot guy holding a baby?”
“A friend of mine got pregnant in high school,” I told them. “I went to visit her at the hospital after her daughter was born, and when I saw how tiny she was, I about had a heart attack. It’s one thing learning about it in sex ed, but nothing prepares you for the reality of them.”
Tilting her head to the side, Santana looked between the two of us. “I’d never thought about it like that. I don’t even think I’ve ever considered what size a baby is when it comes out.”
“It’s not a one-size-fits-all. Some come out massive, and some come out tiny.” Sadie shuddered. “One of our neighbors was telling me all about her kids just before I had Bronte. Her son came out at eleven pounds and two ounces, one daughter was nine pounds even, and the other daughter was just under nine pounds.”
Leaning in closer, she whispered, “I’m just grateful Bronte didn’t tear me a new one, unlike her kids who did it three”—she held out three fingers—“times.”
I winced and clamped my thighs together at the thought, but Santana looked horrified.
“They can tear you?”
“Oh, yes, they can. From nunney to your arsehole, those heads can literally tear you a new one.”
“Sweet lord. I don’t think I ever want to have kids. I’m not cut out for pain like that. Heck, I can hardly even go through my period without thinking I’m dying. And having one big hole down there? Nuh uh, no way.” Santana shook her head rapidly, looking like she was about to have a panic attack.
“Are you pregnant?” Sadie asked, frowning at her. “If you are, you shouldn’t be in this hot tub.” Then, her frown turned into a look not too dissimilar to Santana’s previous one. “Oh, fuck me. I’ve just told you that story. I hated it when people told me birthing horror stories when I was pregnant. I don’t even know why they do it. Like, can’t you tell me the good shit and keep the bad to yourself, even for a second? I swear they have some sort of morbid fascination with scaring the ever-loving piss out of pregnant women, even though they were once that woman, too.”
“Whoa, whoa, I’m not pregnant,” Santana chuckled, holding her hands up in front of her to slow Sadie down. “I’m just saying, I never want to have kids in the future after hearing that story.”
Hearing this, Sadie’s face took on an expression I’d only ever seen on my parents' faces when they looked at us. It’s what I called the parental love look.
“But it’s one of the best experiences in the world. Not everyone wants to be a parent, I get that and can appreciate their reasons why, but if your only reason is because you don’t want to tear your taint, let me put your mind at ease.
“From the second I found out I was pregnant, I felt something settle inside me, and even though I was scared, I was also in love with her. Then I got to see Bronte growing in the scans and feel her kicking me from the inside. But I also got to see Elijah’s face when he saw her, when we found out we were having a girl, the first time we went shopping for her, the first time he felt her kick… Do you see where I’m going?”
“I think so,” Santana murmured, her eyes flicking in the direction of the fields.
“All of that was beautiful, but not one thing beat the feeling of holding her for the first time. I don’t think it matters if you go through the pregnancy yourself or if you adopt. The first time you meet your child, it’s a whole new feeling. The love I feel for my husband is his alone, and the love I feel for Bronte is hers, just like any future kids we have. But it’s something you don’t expect, and that hits you so hard, you feel almost overwhelmed by it.”
“Santana,” I called, seeing the look on her face as she glanced over at the stables. “Are you and Remy together?”
“Oooh, please say yes,” Sadie squealed softly, looking around us to make sure we were still alone.
Her cheeks were already flushed with the heat from the tub, but the pink hue deepened. “No, we’re not. It’s been close a couple of times, but something always interrupts us.”