Crimson Truth (Onyx Assassins 4)

Something cold and slimy turned over in my gut, damn near obliterating the heat Benedict had just given me.

I wouldn’t need to search anywhere outside the relationship if Benedict was mine—not that he ever could be. Forbidden and all that. But Goddess, I’d never come like that before. Never felt so…alive before. And I loved sex. With the right being? It was a fun way to expel pent-up energy, but it’d always been like dancing to me. A fun way to pass the time, relieve tension, but it had never been an outright need before.

Until tonight.

Because there was no other way to describe it. Tonight I’d needed Benedict in a way I’d never experienced before. As if some inner power inside me simply had to be satiated and him, his mouth, his body, his blood had been the only thing to satisfy that hunger.

And now that I’d gotten that taste? Fuck, I only wanted more.

“Are you listening to me, Jocelyn?” My mother barked, and I flinched back to the present. I hated it when she said my name like that—like it was an insult, an annoyance, and a command all in one.

“Yes,” I said, trying not to let my labored breath shake my tone. “But why do you care if I take a consort now, anyway? Why the big push? You were a hundred years older than I am now when you took your first.” Her reasoning had to be more than torturing me right? Or was it a way to keep me in check since I loved to stray past all those ancient lines?

“Solidifying the bond between covens is crucial right now,” she said the words as if I were five years old again and complaining about being dragged to a coven meeting. “We’ve had numerous run-ins with the Sons of Honor, there have been increased attacks against supernaturals, and the vampire princess has been kidnapped. The stars are bringing upon a great change, Jocelyn. We need to be a strong, united force. Taking a consort and producing an heir will only aid in that endeavor.

Ice crystalized in my stomach, and I shifted off the bed, her words too much to take sitting down. I hurried into a pair of cozy leggings, only then realizing I was still bare. “I’m not ready to become a mother,” I admitted, feeling as if my own mother’s fingers were cinching tight around my throat.

“Oh please,” she snapped. “None of us ever are.”

I furrowed my brow as I paced the length of my borrowed room. I didn’t believe her words. Couldn’t. Because I’d seen beings blessed with younglings after years of trying, I’d seen the joy in their eyes. Some beings wanted to have younglings. Some wanted to raise their kin and spend time together and live and laugh and grow together.

But that wasn’t how my mother worked. She’d had us for no other reason than to add to her already wealth of power and Luna and I felt the lack of compassion and love and genuine interest every day of our lives. I would not put a youngling through that.

“Now,” she said, as if the conversation had been handled. “You will reconsider your evening with the Cricketfire boy. But, don’t fret. I will be setting up evenings with one of the Leifstar son’s as well. Any would do, their powers are great. Be prepared, daughter. Once you finish your business with the vampires, you will be expected to choose.”

She hung up before I could argue, and I tossed my cellphone on the mattress across the room. My spine kissed the wall that hugged Benedict’s room on the other side, and I slid down until my ass hit the floor. I leaned my head back against the wall, clenching my eyes shut as I tried to calm my racing heart.

Not only did I have no interest in dating one of the Leifstar sons—regardless of how powerful and easy on the eyes they may be—I also had no interest in becoming a mother by force. If I ever did have a youngling, it would be because I loved the father so much I wanted to create a new life together.

Benedict’s blue eyes popped behind my closed ones, his smile, his ability to send my heart soaring and my knees trembling with just a look.

Oh, no.

I shook my head, my eyes popping open as my heart swelled at the mere thought of him.

Oh, hell fucking no.

I practically screamed at my heart. Just because the vampire made me come and I drank his blood did not mean that I was falling for him.

Right?

Because that would only end in one way.

Our deaths.

My knees burned against the thick rug I’d been kneeling over the map so long. How long had it been since I started the spell? My aching bones suggested it had been at least a few hours.