I started down the sidewalk, heading home to get the spare set of keys to my car.
“Reese …” Fisher was closing in on me, so I took off running. “Jesus … what … why are you always running from me?” He chased me down the sidewalk, but I wasn’t that fast in my snow boots.
Before I could turn the corner, his hand grabbed the back of my jacket. I stopped and wriggled out of his hold, turning toward him, breathless and a little rabid.
“I’m always running from you because you are the worst, Fisher Mann. The. Worst. You make it impossible to love you and just as impossible to not love you. But the worst part is you make it impossible to be with you. And you just … let me go. All the freaking time. And you go off to Costa Rica and screw around with Angie and sleep in the same bed and do god knows what else with her. Then you again let me get out of your truck that morning after coffee and you. Let. Me. Go.
“AND I had to find out from Angie that you broke things off with her. Why? Why did I hear it from her and not you? So you don’t want to be with me. Fine. But have the decency to say something. Don’t be an arrogant jerk who says ‘I know’ when I get the nerve to message you about how I loved you. So yeah … I’m running from you because you are bad for me. And I should have known it years ago. But more than any of that…” I turned and tucked my cold hands into my pockets as I continued trekking toward my house “…I’m running away from you because I locked my fucking keys in the car.”
“You kept the truth from me when it could have been the thing that gave me my memory back.”
“Angie gave you the truth. It didn’t give you your memory back.”
“Why keep the truth from me? Why do it after you already knew I was in love with you?” Fisher stayed a few feet behind me.
“You wouldn’t understand, and it doesn’t matter now.”
“Well you drove to my house because something must still matter now.”
“It was a mistake. I shouldn’t have texted you. I shouldn’t have driven to your house.” I picked up my pace again, but not to a run. “I thought I needed some sort of closure, but I was wrong. Being away from you is all the closure I need.” I batted away the tears and made sure he didn’t catch up to me, didn’t see my tears.
“Say it. If you don’t say it, you know you’ll regret it.”
Screw my tears.
I whipped around. “I didn’t tell you because I wanted you to remember us and how you felt about me all on your own. And I wanted to be there when it happened. I wanted to see the look on your face. And I wanted it to convey the feelings I had when I realized you were falling in love with me for the second time without ever remembering the first time. I wanted to know if you felt this sense of awe and fate like it was impossible for us to not fall in love at every possible opportunity.”
Fisher deflated. He couldn’t even look at me.
So I turned and continued my journey home.
“We messed around on the pool table. In your bedroom. My closet. My bed. The downstairs kitchen. My workshop.”
I halted at his words, but I couldn’t turn around because I wasn’t sure if I was really hearing what I thought I was hearing.
“And we slept on the screened-in porch one night after I went out with Rory and Rose. You tripped at one of my job sites and ended up with a nail in your hand. I carried you to the truck. And the whole way I smelled your hair. And I thought … if I could spend the rest of my life smelling her hair, I’d die a happy man. Did you know that? Did you know how much I liked the smell of your hair and the floral scent of your skin, and whatever you put behind your ears and down your neck? Yeah, that shit drove me crazy insane.”
I couldn’t turn around. Or blink. I could barely breathe. But I could cry. And I did. So, so much.
He thought. If he thought. He knew. If he knew. He remembered … everything.
“Five years ago, I loved you and you loved me. It was really fucking messy … but we were real. It just wasn’t the right time. Our timing seems to always suck. And I’m sorry about that. But you’re here. And I’m here. And my best friend from high school is in town for the next two weeks, and you should come play pool with us.”