Head Over Feels

I glance at the time on the microwave, and my disappointment is hard to hide behind my weak smile. “I didn’t realize the hour. I have to be at work early tomorrow.”

Rad comes closer, and though his hand lifts, he’s quick to lower it back to his side. “Can I help in any way?”

Shrugging, I reply, “It’s just packing. Nothing I can’t handle.”

“I wasn’t talking about the packing. You have a lot of big changes happening, life coming at you fast with the move . . . and Steve.” His voice quietens at the end as if he doesn’t want to verbalize the name.

“I’m fine with the breakup. It was going to eventually happen. Sooner is better than later.” Not sure why I felt so comfortable talking about my ex with him tonight—as I’ve normally only shared with Cammie and Marlow about this sort of stuff—but it’s been one of the many things we’ve talked about. It’s been so nice, and I think spending the last few hours together has brought me comfort in our new, evolving relationship. “I didn’t love him. Not in the forever kind of way.”

“Is there a temporary way?” Empathy fills his strong features as the new crinkles beside his eyes soften.

Angling my head, I stare at the drying rack, fixating on the water dripping from the dishes. “I’m . . .” Crossing my arms, I peek over at Rad. “I don’t know why I’m acting this way. I’m fine. I really have been. I don’t even think about him, except—”

“Except when you do?”

“Just the mention of his name triggers something inside me,” I grumble. “It’s that the breakup wasn’t enough for him. He had to implant an insecurity.” Tossing my arms up, I let them fall to my sides. “Honestly, I was fine with my thighs. Am I perfect? No. But I don’t need to be. I exercise and eat decently healthy. I try to stay in shape—”

“You don’t have to justify anything to me, Tealey. I know my opinion doesn’t matter regarding your body, but trust me, nothing’s wrong with it.”

My heart clenches, but I stop myself from audibly awing.

He finally sits on the bed, and it wasn’t until then that I think he’s been trying to avoid it.

“And from a guy’s perspective, there’s a lot right with it, like all of it is pretty great.” As if cleaning the dishes wasn’t enough, he decides to swoon me to death with his sweet-talking. “Come here.”

I sit beside him, the sides of our legs pressed together as I tuck my hands between my thighs and look into his eyes.

“It’s easy for me to tell you that he’s not in your league, but I’m not sure you’ll believe me.” Rubbing the back of his neck, he clears his throat. “When I said he was a fucker, I meant it, though.” The left side of his mouth lifts as he stares at me out of the corners of his eyes.

“You can tell me that anytime.” I grin. “He hurt my heart. He didn’t break it. But his words still sting.”

His arm wraps around my shoulders, and he whispers, “You’re the best thing he ever had, and he lost you. Don’t look back, Tealey. He doesn’t deserve a second of your thoughts.”

I look down when my breathing picks up. Though my nightshirt blocks his hand from touching my skin, the heat is felt between us.

His hand slides from my arm and returns to his lap. I hear him swallow in the silence of the room, and then he says, “If he’d asked you to marry him, I wouldn’t have let you walk down that aisle.” Caught off guard, I look into his earnest eyes. His words are just as gentle as his gaze, albeit direct. “None of us would have let you.”

I toe the box near my feet, unsure how to feel about his admission. Betrayed? Mad? Lucky? Yes, lucky. Lucky to have friends who care so much that they’ll risk offending me in the short term to protect me in the long run. I know where their hearts lie, and it’s not the same place Steve’s did, which is why we broke up.

His eyes remain on me unapologetically, like his confession. “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. I just thought you should know that we always have your back.” The heaviness that crept into the apartment begins to splinter, and he adds, “I just wanted to check on you because even though it’s been a while, it’s still not easy when a relationship ends.”

“You take dating in such stride. I wish I was more like you.”

His expression hardens. It’s just a moment, but enough to catch the change in his disposition. “I’m glad you’re not. You’re not cynical. It’s one of my favorite things about you. Your heart is wide open. Never change, Tealey Bell.”