Head Over Feels

I haven’t told her how my heart seems to only beat for her. And as much as I should feel ten pounds lighter for settling Bob’s case, I’m worried about Tealey and the toll this scheme with Marlow will take on our relationship. This morning at the beach was the final push I never saw coming. Instead of feeling good about what I’ve accomplished, I’m left feeling ashamed of what I’ve done. “Not in so many words.”

“In any words?” She grins, already knowing the answer.

“Not exactly.”

She pats my arm. “Think about filling her in on your feelings. You might be surprised by her reaction.”

“I like her . . . I love her, Mom.”

The words come staggering out, refusing to be hidden any longer. It feels strange to say them out loud, but not wrong in any way. I don’t know how I expected to feel, but it wasn’t conflicted. None of my feelings for Tealey are conflicting, but the situation with Marlow I’ve involved myself in is a direct contradiction.

She walks around me, keeping the tips of her fingers tethered to the wood. “I know, son. Make sure she does too. Honesty in actions and words mean everything.”

Turning to go, she stops. She faces me again, shaking her head in pure amusement. “Oh, and I about spit out my water when I heard Cammie say you were showing Tealey your ‘movie collection.’ Your code words need more originality. Nobody owns DVDs or videotapes anymore. Streaming is the way to go.”

I chuckle, thinking about how much she and Tealey are alike and then how the differences bridge the gap between them. I’m a lucky guy. “Yeah, I’ll look into that,” I joke.

Mulling over Mom’s advice, I must agree on one thing. There’s no reason to wait.

I shouldn’t.

It’s settled. Tonight is the night I tell Tealey Bell that I love her. I turn with a grin and head back to the groom’s room.

* * *

Jean-Luc.

Fucker.

I guess Marlow didn’t get the message that my Tealey’s not up for grabs. The minute he walked in, kissing cheeks of the women under forty and kissing hands of the women over, he made his presence known. You’d think he’d just landed his private helicopter on the lawn by how much attention he was getting. I peek out the window to check, just to make sure.

Jackson asks Cade, “How does it feel to be getting married?”

“Remember how graduation felt? Nervous for the unknown but excited like the whole world was yours for the taking?” Cade grins. “It feels just like that.”

I look over my shoulder at Cade. He just described Tealey’s and my relationship.

I think I knew all along that she was going to get the best of me, that I wouldn’t be able to lose her once I had her. Even on the day I met Cade by the water, I chalked my feelings up to having mixed-up emotions so I could try to play it off.

Two months later, I realize—I’m ready to admit—that I’m not mixed up when it comes to Tealey. I want to be what I’ve never been before—a boyfriend, a partner, a lover, and a friend to this woman who makes my heart beat faster, that allows me to breathe with ease. Tealey Bell gives me a peek into a life I never thought I’d have.

Fuck. I run my fingers through my hair in a sad attempt to wrangle my runaway feelings. Refocus, Wellington. Turning to face my friend, I say, “You look happy, man.”

Cade maneuvers around us and angles his chin to get a better look in the mirror. “I am. It took eight years to get to this point. I would have married her on day one.”

Cade’s cousin comes in and holds up the bottle of bourbon that went missing from our room earlier. He asks, “Got another one of these?”

Shooting me a look, I know what he’s asking me to do. “The wedding’s about to begin. It’s an open bar at the reception.”

“Cool.” Satisfied, the guy closes the door.

Jackson says, “Oh to be twenty-one again.”

“All of six years ago?” I ask, teasing.

The wedding planner opens the door and pokes her head in. “Ready to get married?” she asks, a smile reaching the rounds of the apples of her cheeks.

Cade heads for the door with us behind him. He asks, “How’s my bride?”

The planner looks as if she’s seen an angel. “The most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen.”

They continue talking as she leads us to the great room to wait. Her words have me imagining Tealey dressed in white, taking a walk to be my wife. I rub the bridge of my nose. Two months, I remind myself. I can love her. I can be in love with her. But it’s too soon for marriage.

Marriage should be a calculated decision, one that makes sense and is done at the right time. Although Tealey’s not afraid to put her dreams into the universe, my dreams are just taking shape.